I’m not perfect. I don’t always serve perfectly balanced meals or say the right thing to my kids about food. As I researched and wrote Fearless Feeding, a book that helps prevent feeding mistakes, I can’t help but think of the ones I made.
I get emails from readers who feel it’s too late or that they are the only ones who made a particular error in feeding. So this post is for those of you who find yourselves, from time to time, feeling discouraged. You’re certainly not alone.
1. Not having meals established, pre-kids
When Big A was born I had a handful of meals I’d make for my husband and myself — and they weren’t very exciting. I really started learning to cook when she started eating and realized my mistake one day while picking at her tasty mushroom, spinach, and feta omelet.
I was putting this beautiful girl’s nutrition and well being before my own. Why didn’t I take more time to plan and cook before she arrived? Yes, I still ate healthfully, but it would’ve helped to have family meals established so she could partake when she started finger foods. I didn’t get that ritual down until she was almost two.
2. Needlessly serving sweetened yogurt
Big A ate a lot of plain yogurt when she was a baby. I remember seeing Yo Baby everywhere and finally decided to try it. She loved it so much that she refused the plain yogurt the next time I served it. Oops!
Note to self: if kids like the plain version, there is no need to buy flavored anything. Little D never got those flavored yogurts and he still loves his plain old yogurt.
3. Not increasing variety during the second year
When Big A was little, I knew picky eating was typical at toddler age, but I didn’t understand that I needed to take advantage of her openness. While she got a decent variety, I could have stepped it up, rotating different sandwiches and meals (as I said, family meals didn’t start until she was two).
I don’t think this would have prevented her selectiveness, which is a part of normal development, but she may have had a few more items she would eat when things got rough (around 3).
4. Trying to control a child’s eating
While 99% of the time I follow the Division of Responsibility in Feeding, I have strayed a few times. I see this as a good thing because of the negative reaction I’ve received reminds me how important it is to give children free choice, in terms of what and how much they eat.
I don’t think we should be afraid to try different things though. One mom left a comment, saying how well small tastings worked with her sensory-challenged son, while another mom had a child with “meal-time dread” due to frequent gagging for having to try everything. What matters most when it comes to pressure is it’s not just what you do, but how your child perceives it.
5. Recipe mistakes
I laughed (out loud) when a reader wrote the following comment about recipe mistakes: “I know I should really read the whole recipe first, but I have a bad habit of reading the ingredients and first few steps… then discovering too late that there are more steps than I expected. (Wait… REFRIGERATE OVER NIGHT? Guess we’ll have dessert tomorrow.)”
I could fill a book with stories like this one. I’ve gotten better, but recipe mistakes still happen, especially going to the store for that missing ingredient only to come home without it!
I think we could all stand to be kinder to ourselves when it comes to parenting mishaps, including feeding. When we assume everyone else is perfect or has it easy, it keeps us down. But when we realize everyone has challenges, it gives us the strength to tackle whatever problems we face (which for me is getting decent meals on the table while finishing the book!).
So what mistakes have you made, and how have you dealt with them?
Love this article. I made many of these mistakes too, especially not feeding enough variety in the first few years.
Another mistake I made was avoiding bitter or strong-tasting foods, like a lot of vegetables. Like many parents, I gave my son cooked carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, peas, and other bland, sweet vegetables. It wasn’t until later that I learned that babies may be more receptive to bitter tastes for years, if not their entire lives, if they have exposure to them in their formative baby years.
I also think I would have simply blended up whatever we were eating and give it to our son. More variety, more taste lessons, and it would have kept us honest with our own diet because we would have only eaten the healthy food we wanted our son to eat!
Thanks Julia. I tried to make up for it with my son and he is less picky but not a fruit eater like my daugther. All kids are so different!!
Thanks for the post Maryann. I have a picky eater and I hate to admit that it’s driving me crazy. He’s 18 months, and I remember his brother at the age did the same thing. He refuses to try anything, even chicken, or pasta, or cheese. He only eats fruits, cucumbers, sometimes yogurt, cookies/crackers (of course), bread and nut butter or hummus, and milk. He goes to day care 2 days a week and they can get him to eat EVERYTHING I send. If he sees a new cake, candy, or ice cream, he tries it. If he sees a new anything else, he doesn’t. I’m a believer in DOR and that’s why I don’t push. And I’m confident that he will eventually eat. Any tips until then?
Nour,
It sounds like he may be sensitive to textures. You could try encouraging him to play and touch food, getting comfortable with it? Some kids need a lot more exploration before they will take a bite. I would alos make sure there’s no pressure going on at daycare causing him to not want to eat when home. Hope that helps!
Hi Maryann, I love this article
I am also a dietitian, and i also have picky eaters in the house which is very challenging, suddenly i found that knowledge doesnt mean i can do it, its really hard for me but i try to stick in my head the principles of DOR and try to have alot of patience with the children.
I try to focus on one day at a time or even one meal at a time…
I am really waiting for the book ,
good lucky and thankyou!
Thanks Gina. It’s too bad we didn’t get trained at this in school! Thanks for your support with the book. I think it will be really helpful and put a lot of worries to rest!