With the New Year approaching, it’s the perfect time to assess where you are in terms of healthy habits, and where you want to go. If you are a parent it’s likely you are struggling in the time department — wanting to lead a healthy lifestyle with the reality of a packed life getting in the way.
I believe parents have a secret weapon to good health that is largely untapped. The same beautiful and wonderful little beings that make us time-starved are also the keys to developing healthy habits that stick for good.
Don’t believe me? Here are 5 ways to use your role as a parent (and your children) to live the healthy lifestyle of your dreams in 2013.
1. Notice the Sticking Points
Whatever was a health issue before kids gets magnified after having little ones around. I call them “sticking points” — and sometimes they pop up where parents least expect. This discontent is actually a good thing because it tells us something isn’t right.
For example, telling your child not to have sweets, only to sneak them at night or making sure your child has multiple opportunities for activity while living a sedentary life yourself, often causes the “guilt” radar to go off. Take notice when this happens.
2. Get to the Source
Rose’s sticking point was her poor body image, something she desperately did not want to pass onto her daughter. She worked hard to keep her weight down and eat healthy, but years of doing this never made her feel better about her body.
The key for Rose was to look back at herself when she was her daughter’s age looking for clues. She realized her mother was never happy with her appearance despite being at a normal weight. Because Rose saw a woman she adored hate her body, she never learned how to embrace her own. And it was hard to give her daughter something she didn’t have.
3. Give Yourself What You Didn’t Get
Once a connection is made, it’s time to give yourself what you didn’t get earlier in life. Rose decided to work on appreciating her body, inspired by the unconditional love she had for her daughter. Over time, she developed a healthier relationship with her body, took better care of herself and felt more genuine when giving advice to her daughter.
Whether it’s dieting or poor body image, a lack of cooking skills, low exposure to healthy foods, unpleasant memories of physical activity or having been forced to clean your plate (and ignoring hunger or satiety signals as a result), give yourself the very thing you didn’t get growing up which has helped shape your challenge.
4. Go for the Intrinsic Motivation
Children are great role models when it comes to intrinsic motivation to eat and be active. If they aren’t hungry, they don’t eat. They naturally move — and enjoy it. They don’t do this because they feel they should, it’s just part of who they are.
Psychologists call this Self Determination Theory and the idea is that we are more likely to do things we are internally motivated to do. So if losing those same 5 to 10 pounds hasn’t been doing it for you, choose reasons to engage in healthy behaviors that really matter to you.
This can be as simple as paying attention to the daily benefits you get from healthy habits like more energy, productivity, and better sleep or choosing activities that you really enjoy.
5. Utilize Self Compassion
The love a parent has for his or her child is an amazing force. Believe it or not, directing some of that love back to yourself can make a big difference. Research shows that self-compassion, being understanding of setbacks and challenges with self-change, makes success more likely.
So when things go wrong, let go of the judgment and negative self-thoughts that actually feed the undesirable behavior. Instead, simply make a mental note of what needs to change and do it better next time. It’s about progress, not perfection.
Have your children inspired you to take better care of yourself or is this still an area of struggle for you?
I’ll be reviewing and giving away a book that gets into the specifics on creating a healthy lifestyle, so stay tuned!
Hi Maryann! I just found your blog, and am excited for all you have to teach me here. I have a 3- and a 5-year old daughter, and I want to use the new year to introduce even healthier and diverse eating habits, as well as encouraging the girls to eat more of what my husband and I eat (rather than always preparing different things for them at dinnertime). This post is very thought-provoking. I especially appreciate what you say about finding the source of some of our own eating/body issues and then providing to our children what we didn’t have ourselves. Powerful!
Thanks Andria and welcome! Here are some other posts that might help you make the transition to eating meals together as a family.
http://www.maryannjacobsen.com/2012/06/6-simple-strategies-for-pleasing-the-whole-family-at-dinnertime/
http://www.maryannjacobsen.com/2009/11/how-to-make-family-dinners-more-kid-friendly/
Hi Maryann,
Thank you so much for excellent blog! I’ve been reading it for over a year now and always find much useful information here despite the fact that I’m not a parent of young children myself.
I have two step-children – they were 13 and 14 when I met them and I found myself utterly overwhelmed with introducing new food habits to them – a humbling amount of surrender involved 🙂
My favourite tip here is to “give yourself what you didn’t get” – so beautiful and key to being easy and relaxed in my life.
Thank you, Maryann!
Thanks Susan. I appreciate it!
hi Maryann,
I’ve spent the evening roaming your blog, I found it because I was searching for help in dealing with my daughter’s obsession with food and sweets in particular.
it’s really brilliant advice, I only wish id known these things years ago, I’ve done everything you advise NOT to do & more. Make her finish or no dessert, use sweets as a treat, she knows I’m on a diet & don’t like my body *sigh* I’ve done everything wrong and wonder if it can reversed. She’s five. Her brother is 7 & coeliac & just eats ‘normally’ he seems to have a cut off point where she doesn’t. I end up cooking seperatemeals she doesn’t like anything tomato -y & he doesn’t like anything cheesy or creamy!!! Ughhh this is so hard.
One thing I wanted to ask you, I noticed you make the connection between sweetners & craving sugar – my daughter loves squash ‘no added sugar’ ( artificially sweetened then) & won’t drink plain water where son will & I’m now wondering if this is the problem &how to get her off it & drinking water again. I don’t really want to give either of them fruit juice as its so so sweet.
Also what is apple sauce? is there a UK name for this?
Thankyou Maryann
Hi Katherine,
It is never to late to turn things around and your kids are still young! I would sit your kids down and let them know things will change, one meal for everyone and you (the parent) deciding what is the meal and when, and they get to decide whether to eat it or not. Their food preferences will change and they need opportunities to branch out.
The key to getting kids to drink water is to make it the beverage of choice between meals. So have it around in a special straw cup and only allow other drinks with meals. I personally think 100% fruit juice is okay, but the choice to serve it is up to you. I’m not sure what you mean about apple sauce but here is is just cooked apples that are mashed with sweetener sometimes added.
If you have been serving artificial sweeteners I would just stick with regular old sugar and try to minimize it. While not proven, there is speculation that providing sweet taste without calories can increase someone’s preference for sweet. Let me know if you have any other questions and welcome!
Also just to add I’ve pinned a few of your recipes & tips to help me keep track! hope that’s ok