I’m reading How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims. The book details how parents today do way too much for their kids. There are various reasons for this, including nonstop extracurricular activities and school work. The problem is when kids leave home, they know how to get an A on a test and kick a soccer ball, but lack the vital life skills they will need to use every day.
And one of those important life skills is knowing their way around a kitchen.
Before reading this book, I had been getting my kids (6 and 8) in the kitchen more. But now I’m motivated to take this to a new level. So here are 5 changes I’m making to boost their independence in the kitchen. You may need to tone it up or down based on the age of your kid.
1. Make tableware accessible
It dawned me that while I’m cooking dinner, I hand my kids plates to set the table. That’s because they cannot reach the plates and cups – and if they use a stool they get in my way. So I changed things around and put plates, cups, and bowls in the lower cabinet, making them easier for the kids to reach. Here are some things they can do as a result of this change.
- Set the table by themselves from start to finish.
- Help unload the dishwater.
- Get water/drinks for themselves.
2. Organize your kitchen with kids in mind
I’ve organized my kitchen to make it easier to teach my children about food and where everything goes. For example, I arrange my cabinets by food groups: grains (bread/crackers/rice), protein (beans, nuts, canned tuna/fish), fruits and veggies (canned veggies/tomatoes, dried fruit) and fun food (chocolate or anything sweet). Here’s some things they can do as a result of this change.
- Make their own simple snack by choosing from 2-3 different food groups.
- Help put away groceries.
- Older children can help make grocery lists by running through what is needed (It helps to have handy lists on cabinets with what needs to be stocked).
3. Have them make a simple meal per week
I still allow my kids to choose dinner on Wednesdays because the hubs works late and it’s a nice break in the routine. But now it’s not just kids’ choice, but kids make. I’m no longer getting the ingredients for them, they have to do it all start to finish. I’m there to help but not lead (with a glass of wine in hand — it’s my night off!). For more on cooking skills kids need to know see this Super Healthy Kids post.
4. Cut, pour and serve themselves:
I realized that I was still cutting my kids meat and pouring their milk (those big jugs are heavy!). If they spill, they learn how to handle it better next time. Now they are doing all these things themselves with guidance from me. In How to Raise an Adult, Lythcott-Haims recommends this easy strategy for teaching kids any new skill:
- Watch me do it: Have children watch you once or twice, explaining how you do it.
- Let’s do it together: Assist them a few times.
- I watch you do it: Watch and provide feedback until they can do it independently.
5. Teach kids how to do the dishes
Doing dishes is the household chore I most despise. It would help both my kids and my husband and me to have more helpers. Big A is learning how to rinse dishes off and load them in the dishwasher. Once she masters that, I will teach her how to wash pots, pans and other items that don’t go in the dishwasher. When Little D seems ready, he’ll be next.
Not all kids adapt to these new responsibilities with a joyful attitude. I’ve dealt with this resistance by explaining the importance of learning life skills, showing empathy (I know it’s hard and partly my fault for not having you do it sooner – you’ll get it!), setting up kitchen tasks as part the normal routine and staying consistent with expectations.
School is starting back up very soon but I’m keeping my priorities straight. Homework and kids’ activities are not more important than learning life skills. There has to be room for them all.
Do you work on independence in the kitchen? Any ideas to share?
For more tips on how to get kids involved at meals check out my book The Family Dinner Solution
Thanks: it’s helpful to think about this topic explicitly. I did put our tableware on a low shelf when we moved into this house, for just the same reason (and it really confuses guests, who invariably hunt for glasses and mugs in the upper cupboards near the sink). I hadn’t thought about the need to arrange the pantry transparently so a kid can navigate it – that’s a good project to work on next. One thing I need to work on is letting my son do things even if I’m afraid he’ll make a mess. And the truth is, he usually doesn’t. Or if he does, it’s only the first time or two and then he learns to do it better. Putting cleaning-up materials within his reach would probably be a good idea, too.
My husband has a harder time with the mess. With me it’s time, always in a hurry. But the better kids get the more they can actually help and save time!
Thanks for sharing! This is great!
You’re welcome!
Your welcome….thanks for the article ; )
I absolutely love this! My toddler is still 26 months. I’ve made his crockery and cutlery easily accessible for him. Any other ideas on how to get a child this age more involved?
I just thinking assisting in the kitchen with super simple tasks. Kids this age really love it so start it now.
Another tip I picked up somewhere (can’t remember where, but I definitely can’t take credit for it!) is to put a plastic tub in the fridge we call the “help yourself drawer”. I keep it full of cheese sticks, yoghurt tubes, pepperoni sticks, cut fruits and veggies in little serving containers, etc. and when the kids want a snack they help themselves from my pre-approved selection. No more of this conversation: I’m hungry! Do you want a cheese stick? No. Do you want some apple? No. Do you want…..!!
I think that can work but just make sure it’s designated snack time and the kids has some guidance on choosing food groups.
Thanks! Great sharing! I taught my girls to cook from the age of 2, getting them to help with stirring mixing, mashing and then showing hem how to handle ovens and last year, we moved into stoves. Am happy to say that both girls (now 6&8) have been able to cook meals now, and actually love it. Sometimes, we go to the market and let them pick out what they want to cook and they do it from start to finish. The key is, like you shared, show them, guide them, let them do it. It’s fun and very satisfying for them too.
Thanks for sharing coco. I might email you to get more info for another post I’m working on.
Thank you for these helpful ideas. I am currently remodeling my kitchen so when my cupboard go in and I put everything away I will use these examples and put my dishes in the lower cupboard so my 6 year old can start helping more. He has also asked me to teach him to cook so your teaching strategies will be very helpful.
It’s nice to work this into a kitchen remodel! Good sign that he’s asking to learn….future chef?