Out of all the complaints I’ve heard since starting this blog, trying to please different palates with one meal reigns at the top. This frustration is echoed by one reader:
I love different foods than the rest of my family. For example, I love pasta, the rest of the family hates it. I love seafood, the rest of the family hates it! I end up making two different meals, one for me and something different for the rest! Expensive.
The real secret to making everyone happy with meal offerings is giving up on the dream of pleasing everyone 100% of the time. Let me show you what I mean…
1. Give everyone’s favorite a turn
Jane complained that her daughter, Emma, barely ate dinner. She had Emma try everything but she usually gagged and would want to leave at the table after doing her duty. When I asked her if there was any food at the table that Emma liked, she admitted she never thought of that.
While catering to a child is never a good idea, you still want to honor their food preferences and bring them into the decision process. Let family members know that everyone will get a favorite and have each person provide input on weekly meal plans.
“I like to include kids in the menu planning process really young,” says Joan Medlen, RD. “Sure, I get to control what the options are, but the process of choosing within my parameters brings an amazing amount of ownership and changes the entire dynamic.”
2. Let kids know about the yet factor
Children’s food preferences are constantly developing and changing. So if a child declares they don’t like something, let them know they don’t like it “yet.” After all, their taste buds are growing up and will continue to change.
So don’t be too quick to nix a new meal your kids turn their nose up to — they just might need more time and exposure to warm up to it. When serving uncertain meals, have something at the meal little ones are likely to eat.
3. Try serving meals family-style
I’ve written about family-style meals before — providing food in bowls and allowing kids to serve themselves. This is especially helpful when dealing with a variety of food preferences and food allergies. In this WebMD post, dietitian David Grotto shows how he keeps his vegetarian daughters happy at meals with this approach.
Remember that children under 6 tend not to like their food mixed, so separating out the different parts of the meal (pasta, vegetable, chicken) can help. Big A (5 years old) has just started eating whole sandwiches. For the past 3 years, she would eat bread, cheese, and meat separately. Developmentally, young children have a need to have things “just right” (e.g., different foods not touching) which dissipates as they get older.
For more on how to serve family-style meals see this post: Family Style Meals: What They Are, How They Help and 6 Examples
4. Utilize familiar themes
Providing familiar foods and sauces can help with new food acceptance, according to research. Our most frequent theme nights are Mexican and Italian. Little D just ate shrimp for the first time because it was wrapped in a burrito with guacamole, beans, and cheese (other foods he loves).
5. Take the pressure off eating performance
The stress of dinner usually has to do with parents’ expectations and ineffective attempts to control how and what kids eat. Try not to leave nutritious food offerings for the last meal of the day (protein and veggies). Instead, offer a good variety all day and take the pressure off of what kids eat for dinner. Enjoyment and a relaxed environment usually precede good eating.
6. Keep looking for jackpot meals
I have to admit that finding a meal everyone loves is an awesome feeling. We are slowly building these meals and I’m continually looking out for new recipes that everyone might fancy. Amy, who understands the frustration of feeding a preschooler, makes a great point:
I just need to remember to keep rotating in a good variety. For example, while my daughter used to love broccoli, it’s no longer a favorite. Cauliflower, on the other hand, is suddenly the preferred vegetable. So it requires more flexibility on my part and willingness to try new recipes and preparation methods multiple times to see what appeals to us as a family, not just to the tastes of my husband and myself.
There are no easy fixes to making everyone happy at mealtime. But it’s worth the time and energy to make this ritual enjoyable for all.
What do you do to please everyone at dinnertime? Or are you still faced with insurmountable challenges?
Check out Maryann’s book for a step-by-step approach to creating a rotation of family meals: The Family Dinner Solution
I am struggling with 21 month old twins who won’t eat anything but cheerios and graham crackers! I prepare lots of vegetables and lean meats and everything ends up on the floor and they are screaming for “cookies!” (graham crackers!). Any words of advice??
Elicia — can you tell me their history with eating? Was there a time they ate more of a variety? Do they consume a lot of snack foods? A little more info and I can give some guidance!
Maryann, all excellent tips. Thank you. I appreciate your gentle approach and practical advice. I wrote something along these lines in response to a reader whose child often rejects the dinner she cooks. It’s so tricky.
Thanks Katie! It is tricky and each child is different.
Very helpful tips to keep in mind. I appreciate that you share your personal stories, too. It’s so hard when the desire is to please everyone, and then the outcome is disappointing. As with other aspects of feeding and eating, it’s really about balance…and perseverance!
Thanks Sam! You are so right about the perseverance. Keeping the routine is key while making eating pleasant!
If there is one person I’m glad I found on Twitter it’s you Maryann! What a great Blog, I got so many helpful tips from it and I’m looking forward to reading more from you 🙂
Thanks so much! I appreciate it!
Hi Maryann, I’m so happy I don’t have to worry about pleasing my whole family. My son doesn’t complain (doesnt’ have many words) and he’s just finicky overall so he either eats or not…and then he has his Fibersure. My daughter is 17 and well you know they eat what they want at that age. She eats though because she doesn’t want to be hungry. My husband eats anything LOL.
So ever since reading your blog I’ve started to pay more attention to meal planning. I think I read a post where you introduced 5dollardinners.com (at least I think it was your post lol). Anyway, I did my first month of planning just the other day and boy is it time consuming. I guess I have to get used to it.
I’m wondering though, what should I do first, make my grocery list or plan the month of meals first then make a list of what I need?
Michelle — I would plan the meals first and then make the list. It might be easier to plan week by week instead of for the whole month. Or you can plan the whoel month and then revisit what you planned and shop weekly. Once you get into a routine, you can stock on non-perishable and frozen items so your weekly trips don’t take so much time. Does that make sense? Here’a link to my Meal Planning Series http://www.maryannjacobsen.com/category/meal-planning-series/
These are such great tips. I’ve always meal planned but it is definitely a bit harder when I have a 3-year-old to keep in mind. He has a lot more of a voice these days in what he likes/doesn’t like. I definitely follow the rule of always having something he’ll like on the plate. If it isn’t the protein, I make sure the sides are things he enjoys. If we have something new for dinner, I try to have the other parts of the meal familiar.
Something we don’t always do is the family style meal. Is 3 too early to have him serve himself?
Anne — Kids under 5 will need help but they can benefit from family style. My 3 year old loves to pick his food. We had quesadillas last night and I cut them up in triangles and let everyone choose one.