We arrive at the kiddie birthday party ready to enjoy festivities. Once the cake is eaten, my kids inquire about their gift. Just when I tell them there might not be one, the little baggie filled with goodies shows up.
These bags are typically filled with candy or small toys (or both). My kids, three and five, then ask to have the candy after they have just loaded up on juice, pizza and cake. The toys are initially exciting but eventually end up, unused, in their already-crowded toy bins.
Whenever I go to kiddie birthday parties I find myself asking the same two questions: When did providing party favors become the norm? And what are we teaching our kids by providing them with gifts at someone else’s birthday party?
I could be the only mom who feels this way but I don’t think so. Every time I discuss my issue with party favors with other moms, they always agree with me. They admit that they dish out the goods because they don’t want to be the only parent who disappoints. I was even encouraged to write about it in the last mom discussion I had!
And to make it clear, I’m not talking about the moms who really want (even enjoy) cool party favors at their child’s party. Like my friend who included pirate paraphernalia for the theme party we went to. I understand there are the creative parents out there but the difference is their heart is totally in it.
I think a majority of parents buy favors because it has become the expectation — and guilt is the only thing keeping this trend alive. So in addition to planning the party, buying gifts and food and sending thank you cards after the event, we also have to worry about clever gifts for all the pint-size guests.
Is this really what we want?
Big A’s 6th birthday party is around the corner and I’m taking a stand by forgoing the party favors.
Anyone want to join me?
I’m with you. I hate party favors. Cheap toys break and it always ends in tears. An occasional candy is ok, but if my kids were at a party, they just had candy from a piñata and cupcakes or something. They don’t need more. I’m happy with a thank you as we walk out the door.
As for giving out party favors, we don’t. We host people with food and drink and fun and a thank you. But I’m kind of old school. I even let my kids open their presents during the party (gasp!).
oh no not the dreaded opening gifts at the party..dun dun dun…(haha actually I totally do this too)
Agree agree agree! I hate those party favor bags filled with candy and plastic trinkets. (Honestly, I usually toss the trinkets in the garbage because we just have too much plastic stuff lying around and we have a bajillion pencils and erasers already.) I feel like such a scrooge! When my kids have parties, I usually do a larger favor like a small water gun, or a package of water balloons, or a Matchbox car. But you’re totally right–why do the guests need presents too? Silly.
I agree – it’s as if you have heard me complaining about party favors this week! Especially, as Christine said, the dollar store toys that never work well and then break and lead to tears…not sure which is worse, the junk toys or the junk food! I’ve taken Sally’s approach with a single larger gift like a coloring/sticker book, but I did manage to skip the whole concept for my younger one’s first birthday, especially since at that age the kids have no idea anyway. Would love to be done with the whole thing, but given that I also don’t serve pizza or juice or food coloring at our parties, not sure I’m quite ready to take that stand on the party favors…yet… 🙂
I am definitely with you! My daughter just had her 8th party, and we sent home no bags of party favors. We also requested that the guests bring no gifts. My children have so many toys already, they don’t need 10 classmates bringing them more. We told the guests that their presence was gift enough, that we’re trying to life a simpler life without so many toys and gadgets, and that we would help them live simpler too by not sending home any party favors. I received several affirmations from other parents that liked what we were doing but were afraid to do it themselves. I say it’s time to start a new trend!
I think I’m just a party pooper altogether. Other than their first birthday, we haven’t really done parties. We do celebrate. Generally the birthday girl is allowed to pick 2-5 friends and an activity (number of friends usually is decided by whether this is a “big” birthday or not – like 5, 10, 13, 16, etc). We’ve done putt-putt golfing, painted pottery, water parks, bowling, etc. I always ask that no presents be bought. And I don’t do party favors.
Neither of my girls seem to care that the party isn’t an over the top affair. My goal is to enforce the idea that spending time together is what really matters.
Disclosure: I’m That Mom who enjoys putting together goodies in the theme of the party. But I’m also the mom of That Kid who REALLY enjoys putting together the goodies. My 4YO really got into it this year, carefully choosing the superhero trinkets and helping me assemble the bags. It shifted his focus during party planning and prep. It helped teach him to think of his friends who were coming to celebrate with him, and not just about the gifts he would receive. The payoff: The morning of the party I asked what he was most excited about. He didn’t say “bounce house” or “presents” or “cookie cake.” He said he couldn’t wait to give the party favors to his friends. Taking joy in giving to others is a critical lesson for our kids, especially on a day they are the center of attention.
Like so many of our customs today a lot of the original intent of party favors has been lost. As the business of throwing birthday parties literally became a business, party favors did too. It’s such a teachable moment to have your child select gifts for his/her friends and celebrate and be grateful for their presence in their lives — that lesson should not be lost.
For our daughter’s fifth birthday (which was a stuffed animal theme) she selected stuffed animals and large sticker books to give to her friends. (Fortunately, Home Goods had lots on clearance!) She loves giving presents and this also helped reinforce that although the party was for her — it was for her friends too!
Playdough, Coloring books, A box of crayons — all of those things can be wonderful gifts and none bust the budget. Oh, and most delightfully for parents, NONE have processed sugar! 🙂
I love giving and receiving books as a party favor. if you buy them on amazon, you can usually find some cheap little books for the same price that you would have spent on all the crap in goody bags.
One party we went to, the mom gave out a kite to every kid. Even tho it was a cheaper one, it made for awesome fun after the party and was a super clever idea
You are reading my mind! Just yesterday a kid in our preschool celebrated his birthday and brought Popsicles and goodie bags with candy for each student to bring home. Now guess what just set the precedent for the remainder of the year? And although we do allow candy in our house as dessert, I much prefer when they choose pudding or cookies and milk to think they are getting more than just empty calories, so I was irritated when they insisted on eating their goodie bag candy for dessert last night.
I have gone the theme route you discussed and either get a larger item that fits the theme – decorated frames, water bottles, etc. – or something that they can make as a craft as part of the activities at the party.
Happy to end this trend!
I am with you! I don’t give out goody bags. I don’t throw over the top parties. We have a simple yet fun party that the boys have a blast at.
Agree! I also hate the bags of cheap toys & candy.
Here is a solution I came up with that has worked well for us:
As the guests arrive, I have the birthday kid greet them at the door, and then I snap a quick photo of them together. Then, the guest is escorted to a table where they decorate inexpensive (a dollar each) wooden craft frames as an activity while waiting for everyone to arrive. I put out age appropriate craft supplies and an example frame decorated like the birthday theme. I put older siblings in charge of supervising- a great way to make them feel important and involve them. It also cuts down on the arrival chaos a bit because the kids are occupied while I make introductions with the parents. Then, while the kids are all playing games, the pics are printed and put into the frames to take home at the end of the party.
I have done this at several parties and have had parents tell me later that the children have the frames displayed in their rooms and love them. It’s more personal, and is a nice reminder of a fun day for the kids.
I do not enjoy the bag of plastic trinkets and candy that seems to be s part of every party these days. Several years ago I felt like our birthday celebrations were getting out of hand and we scaled way back. It is so much nicer now to enjoy the time with friends and family and not track (and pay for!) 100 details
There’s a website about this topic (hopefully it’s still there), called Birthdays without Pressure. I agree. For me, party favors equals clutter. I also can’t afford $20-25 a pop for the never ending bday gifts. Thanks for the post.
As a fellow dietitian I couldn’t agree more. I feel as though our children are offered “rewards” for every occassion in their life… at school if they do something well/succeed, they get a sucker. After a soccer game you are given food for all of your effort on the field (most of the time some sort of prepackaged food, however, last game was apples…a big improvement). For going to a friends party, you get a back of goodies (candy most of the time). Are we hindering from our childrens’ intrinsic motivation/reward?
This past weekend my daughter, who is turning 8, had her birthday party and I succombed to the pressure of getting party favors for the girls, as I do every year. However, instead of handing a bag full of candy and toys at the end, I find something that I can incorporate in to the party so it’s not used so much a “reward”. For example, last year my daughter had a bike party. All of her friends brought their bikes, we decorated them and rode them around the park behind our house. At that party everyone received a bell for their bike which we nonchalantly put on during the decorating process. This year, my daughter asked a couple of her babysitters to come over and do her friends hair, nails and face paint and as a “favor” I provided every girl her own little pocket hair brush to use during the party (we wrote their names on them as a conserted effort to prevent the spread of lice). I guess a part of me feels satisified when I “discretely” give party favors in an attempt to not use them as a “reward” but still being able to conform to the “norm”.
I do think party favors can be used as a valuable, selfless lesson, as the above post mentions. Involving your child in the process is key. My motto is less is more!
Oh yes! I am not a fan of the cheap little party favors. However, I do like the kids to have something to take home. One year, my daughter had a “baking party” and the kids took home a one layer cake that they decorated (and a ‘chef’s hat’ they made). I’ve also had an ice cream party where they decorated their own bowls, had cake and ice cream, then took the bowls home. I guess I might be one of those moms who gets into the crafty part of it all 😉
We started a tradition of giving a cd as a party favor each year. My son has a blast choosing the songs, and we have gotten positive feedback from his buddies.
My six year old just had his first birthday party ever. We invited a few close friends to a reptile zoo where they got to meet a few of the animals. It was so much fun! And the greatest thing was no decorations, a homemade (not perfect) cake, no party favors and no gifts. The focus was on turning a year older and time with friends experiencing something new. I’ve never understood this whole tradition of a party every year, gifts and party favors. It’s insane. We all had such a good time and the birthday boy only asked once about gifts (even though we had talked about it in advance). He had already received a bunch of gifts from family and it was made clear that this experience of a party was a gift in itself so there was no need to request gifts from our friends whom we invited to celebrate with us.
I like Courtney’s idea. Anytime you can combine a fun activity with something that they can get as a memory of the party is great.
I dislike party favors (receiving and giving) except when they’ve clearly had a lot of personal thought and attention, which I don’t have the creativity to make happen. Recently for my daughter’s 3rd birthday I tried to mostly forego favors and also asked that nobody bring gifts, trying for the “fun vs. gifts” idea. It failed miserably as nearly everyone brought a gift anyway. Anyone have tips about how to convince friends to skip the favors/gifts and really have it work? How do you word it without sounding scrooge-ish or rude?
I haven’t browsed it yet but just discovered the website that Jane mentioned, “Birthdays Without Pressure”. Looks promising so I thought I’d share…
http://www.cehd.umn.edu/fsos/projects/birthdays/default.asp
I stopped years ago, & my son will be 7 soon.
It is silly!!
I completely agree! For our daughters’ birthdays we have started to make a donation to a charity instead of goodie bags then put up a sign stating that. For our youngest’s first birthday we made a donation to the tree frog exhibit at our local zoo and put up a sign explaining the donation with pictures etc and everyone loved it.
Good for you! I hate candy and junk toys too for party favors. I have been known to throw them out upon getting home.
One year my daughter had an indoor swim party and I gave beach towels as the party favor. Her birthday is in January so I was able to get them on clearance at the end of summer. The parents appreciated getting something they could actually use.
I also hate it when parents bring desserts to our Easter egg hunt when the eggs are already filled with candy.
So many great ideas! I’m officially not the only one!
I share your frustration. We have tossed so many dollar store trinkets and junk candy that it makes me sad. I hate knowing someone paid for that stuff.
For my daughter’s last two parties we had craft projects that the girls made and got to take home. They each enjoyed making them, and got to take something home. It was a fun win-win for everyone!
Party favors have been around for centuries! Literally. And while I don’t like a bag of junk and candy, I do enjoy giving thoughtful favors at my children’s parties (and even our own!). And I agree that creative favors are the best (it doesn’t have to be food and mine rarely are). I’ve done small wooden boxes with heart shaped crayons (made by my daughter and I), pillowcases the children decorated for a pancake and PJ party, and a bottle of bubbles for a rainbow party. The only food related favor I’ve given is a jar of apple butter at a goodbye to fall party we hosted when we lived in the Lake Ontario area in NY (full of snow throughout the winter). I think favors are a nice thank you to your guests and I just won’t give them up! 🙂
@Betsy — I didn’t know that. I think parents who love them should keep them. I might try some of these creative ideas…the problem is I’m not that creative ; )
I LOVE THIS POST!!! I have been irritated by favors for years now. I usually have a party theme where they make something “useful” to take home. For a Strawberry Shortcake party we decorated straw hats. Another party we painted flower pots and each child picked a packet of flower seeds to take home with the pot. Another party was a butterfly theme where we read the Hungry Caterpillar, tried all of the foods in the book and then they earned butterfly wings. They then flew around the room and played a musical flower game. I also tell parents no gifts but if they insist, I ask for a $5 gift card to the local smoothie or ice cream shop because it is cheap for them, doesn’t clutter my house and it is something fun for my girls to do.
Hear, hear! I used to feel like the only parent who couldn’t stand all that junk and waste. Fortunately, now that our kids are teens they don’t get these things anymore. They even turn down the cheap junk made in China when they go to the dentist’s office so I’m a proud mama.
I can’t stand party favors and I totally agree with you! When we do kids parties I have only done one with a favor, and that was a tropical party and all the kids got a small box of Goldfish crackers to take home.
I agree with you 100%. I’ve been to parties where the only “favor” was a helium-filled balloon and the kids loved it. And I have bought small books and wrap them individually which ups the excitement value. My 6yo usually does arts & crafts project-type parties so I get small bags for the kids to decorate as one of the projects and then all the other projects go into the bag as they finish.
I’m so glad to see I’m not the only one that feels this way! The last thing my kids need is more toys and/or junk food. It appears to me that there’s a social expectation that parents should supply gift bags at parties. This year I decided to ignore that pressure and not give out favors. It felt liberating! And if anyone was offended by my not giving out favors, we probably have too different values to stay friends anyway.
instead of goodie bags, i normally decorate with balloons and let all the kids know that before they go, they can pick a balloon to take home with them. it’s a win-win. the kids love picking a balloon (what kid doesn’t love a balloon?!) and i don’t have a house full of them after the party.
we also let guests know, on the invitation that gifts are not necessary. many of them bring gifts anyway, but i don’t want my kids to think their party is all about getting gifts. i tell them it’s about being with friends and having a good time.
not only are they giving them out at birthday parties but my kids arw getting them at daycare. how should I handle this? do I let them eat it in the car, do I make them wait until after dinner, do I give 1 piece at a time?
Amen, sister! I hate hate hate the entire idea of party favors. I have a hard enough time keeping my son’s toys from taking over the entire house. We don’t need more toys coming in every time he goes to a party. I’m trying to declutter and simplify our lives. Party favors basically seem to have the message of “here, you throw this away.”
At the last birthday party we hosted, we gave out $5 gift certificates to Barnes and Noble. Some of the kids looked baffled but the parents loved it!
I agree! As a mom, I hated giving out bags of junk as party favors. That’s why I started my own business – cool party favors for parents who sick of bags of junk! Oh Goody! Party Favors. I’m just getting started but I’ve got fair trade items, made in the USA and some other cool stuff. I’d love feedback! email me for a coupon code! Cordelia[at]ohgoodypartyfavors.com
I so agree! If I give aways favors, I’d always want something that’ll last and be really useful 🙂
I’m throwing my son one and only one big party – and it’s this year. He wanted party bags. Is he crafty? Heck no. I’m providing bags with fliers promoting my local rugby club (where it will be hosted) – and yes I do know this is a bit shameless. And then I’m having a pinata – they can fill their own bags.
It looks like I am in with the rest of the smart moms who think gift bags are a waste of money and frankly, not good for your kid (candy) nor the enviornment(plastic toys). I have elected to provide a little more natural options, wooden glider planes roughly $1 and/or little seed planters. I too want to see our kids be a lite but more conscious and environmentally aware. I am also taking a stand on pizza and vow never to server a child pizza at any event we host. I am taking it a step further and looking vegan or naturally sweetened (ie fruits) desserts. Home made lemonade or water only. This will probably make me popular with the parents and make my son not so popular with his friends 🙂
I handed out loot bags filled with small toys at my sons party which was convenient because everything finished up earlier than expected (it was a craft part) so the kids had a lot of fun for the last 20 minutes just playing with their new little doo-dads together.
Wow, internet has everything. I hate party favors too and am glad to find others moms like me. Completely agree. We had my daughters birthday party today and I did not do any party favors. I hate taking party favors even more than giving out. It is just plastic junk or more junk food.
You don’t have to give out bags with candies and cheap toys. You can put some thought into give outs, like water bottle with guest’s name which always can be used.