It was Sunday morning and Big A pointed out that she was going to have dessert three times that day. First was cake at church to celebrate her first communion, second was a birthday party and third was dinner at Granny’s. In a very serious tone, she said, “Granny always has dessert.”
I could have told her to choose one sweet item or just throw caution to the wind. Instead, I chose the third option. An experiment of sorts.
I told her to notice how each dessert tasted as the day went on. Specifically, I asked her to be very aware of how much enjoyment she got each time. She agreed.
Dessert #1: Cake: The offering was chocolate cake, one that she likes. She said she enjoyed it and ate most of it.
Dessert #2: Cupcakes: She almost skipped this one cause we ran out of time. But just as we were leaving the mom handed her a cupcake for the road. She ate it on the way to the car and we waited in front of the car for her to finish (we don’t allow eating in the car). I asked her how it was tasting.
“It’s just not as good eating it without my friends,” she said. Then she asked to toss it.
Dessert 3: Brownies: It was time for the final dessert. Big A admitted this was her favorite of the day. She ate it but only ended up having a few (they were brownie bites).
I asked her about the taste and enjoyment compared to earlier in the day and she said it was still “really good” but if she knew her favorite was last, she might have waited. “Because the first dessert tastes better compared to the last?” I asked.
“I think so…”
The Theory behind the teaching
I explained to Big A something scientists call “sensory-specific satiety”(without using those big words). It’s basically the idea that food enjoyment declines as a food is being eaten. Generally, the first few bites of eating are the most enjoyable. This is particularly important for eating sweets, a food that’s meant for pleasure, not nourishment. My explanation was basic and ended there.
The way society has responded to a world filled with palatable, energy-dense food is to cut-out or control how much of a palatable food is eaten. But this brings up another problem briefly explained in this review in Appetite.
Eating is more rewarding if one is hungry and it is more rewarding if the food tastes good. Intake, however, is subject to additional influences. For example, dieting or serving a small portion puts a ceiling on the amount eaten – in which case the eater is likely to experience the food as ‘moreish’ because without satiation eating remains rewarding.
This is why taking a restrictive approach with kids doesn’t work. But if you can teach kids to be mindful that enjoyment comes early in the eating experience — and frequent eating of indulgent foods makes them less enjoyable — it changes the dynamic. Instead of struggle, it becomes a preference. Over time children can learn to be selective and that they really don’t need that much when they do eat. Trust me, this works a whole lot better than teaching portion control or asking kids to always make the healthy choice.
People always tell me they get in trouble because they enjoy food too much. I beg to differ. I think the trouble starts when we fail to make pleasure the center of our table.
Do you agree?
- Try one of Maryann’s books, all sold on Amazon:
From Picky to Powerful: The Mindset, Strategy, and Know-How You Need to Empower Your Picky Eater
The Family Dinner Solution: How to Create a Rotation of Dinners Meals Your Family Will Love
I agree with your premise regarding adults, but this experiment would fail miserably with my kids. They could eat desserts and sweets all day, everyday. We eat way too much sugar in this house I admit, but what do you suggest?
thanks
This was really about planting the seed for my daughter — I don’t really expect her to stop after the first few bites ; ) Children often need to hear — and experience — things many times before they really learn.
When you say that your family eats way too much sugar, what does that mean exactly? Do you have planned meals and snacks where they are included sensibly? Or are they in the house and everyone grabs them when they want them? If it’s the latter, try planning them in the menu. We usually have one sweet thing per day (not a strict rule as some day we skip and weekends can be more). See my managing sweets series for more help https://www.maryannjacobsen.com/category/managing-sweets-series/
Thank you so much for this – I absolutely love it and couldn’t agree more that this kind of intuitive approach, patience though it may require, is the most sustainable way forward for our kids and families. Explaining ‘sensory specific satiety’ to my 2.5 year old is challenging but what I try and practice is respecting and recognizing his satiety signals (even for savory foods), encouraging him to sit down and slowly enjoy his food, including treats (he sometimes stops halfway through and says he’ll have it later at which point I calmly put it away and he forgets to ask for it) and not putting dessert on a pedestal but incorporating it in a healthful and balanced way into our meal plan. I also make healthier versions of treats that are gently sweet and less jarring to his system and actually share these on my website http://www.spicespicebaby.net. I will most definitely be sharing your post with my readers. Thank you!
Thanks Kanchan. I’ll be sure to check out your website!
I just found your blog through science of mom. This is really interesting. I have been trying to follow these methods for my daughter most of the time. We have dark chocolate every morning before breakfast and never make her finish food. She has to try 3 (tiny) bites (she’s 3 years old) of what is for dinner though. I try to mostly have sweets for snack and not dessert but we had been saving fruit (her favorite) for after meals. I will have to try serving it with meals. I think the trying a few bites is ok though? I usually ask her what she likes/doesn’t like about it. She is not sweet obsessed. I’ve noticed that because we have good quality often homemade sweets at home she doesn’t even really like things like store bought cake. I try SO HARD to bite my tongue around the grandparents. I guess kids just learn it’s different with grandpa?
Welcome Roxanne. I think the 3 bites can work for some kids but what do you do if she pushes back? Most of the time this kind of thing causes food battles. but if a child is not that picky and is easy going it might be fine.
This approach works for me and our 5 children, especially at Halloween. I don’t limit sweets on Halloween night, instead reminding them to “listen to their tummy.” They eat a lot of candy, but they also notice their limit (and the next day most of the extra candy goes to the military candy drive at school).
One time my son got sick from not noticing his limit, but never after that, because he remembers how bad he felt.
I had to come back to this post and thank you for something. I read some of your earlier posts on intuitive eating and was intrigued but a bit skeptical and uncertain. But I have been doing many of these practices (like not making my son eat any particular thing beyond tasting it, and not making dessert conditional on eating dinner) and we just had two great intuitive eating successes in the last few days.
I had given my son two oatmeal cookies and milk for his snack, and he came to me a few minutes later with the second cookie, only one bite eaten, and said, “Mama, can I save this for later? I’ve had too much.” And then the same thing happened again with ice cream a couple of days later. So thank you for the advice!
The parents should know about all these things I think parents should learn this to make their kids strong and healthy.
I love this post! Thanks so much for sharing. I’m in the same boat with the intuitive eating piece. I had no idea about that quote from the book but have been saying the same thing for years, probably due to the influence of people like Geneen Roth, Michael Pollan and many of the experts in the Food Matters documentary and my health coach training. Thanks for the work you do! I’ts meaningful and makes a difference.
Thanks Rachel!