I’d love to tell my daughter that I have always loved my body. That I have never abused it to lose a few pounds. That health has always taken a front seat to vanity.
I’m not going to tell this lie to her.
At age 7, she is still pretty innocent about body image and weight. Just recently, she said I wasn’t as skinny as another mom. I didn’t get mad because, well, she’s a kid. Plus, I knew she was joking. We talked a little about how when you listen to your tummy and eat in a balanced way, you grow into the body God intended for you, which is different for everybody. I said some people can get messed up with trying to force their body to be something it’s not. But I stopped there.
Someday I’ll tell her and her brother the story of my bumpy road to body acceptance. In middle school, I tried to bleach my freckles and wore only black to look thin. When I gained some weight after puberty, I decided to take it off before my senior year in school because I wanted to be “skinny.” Slashing my food intake in half, I dropped below 110 pounds, way too low for my 5’4″ frame.
Yes, I got compliments but they didn’t help me. Because when you are young and get attention for what you look like, you wonder if people like the real you. It only fed the unhealthy cycle I was unknowingly engaging in.
Throughout most of my twenties, I lost and gained the same 5 to 10 pounds but eventually inched my way to a healthier way of dealing with food and my weight. I began listening to my body and ate well and exercised to find the scale stabilizing at a comfortable place over about 10 years. I gained about 30 pounds with both of my pregnancies and my weight naturally went down over time. Once I came up for air after having my second child, I noticed my body was set on staying 10 pounds higher than my pre-kid weight. That’s with enjoying the same balanced way of eating and regular exercise that had become my preferred way of life.
I thought I was beyond the lose-weight-and-try-and-change-my-body stuff, but it’s amazing how the thin=acceptance is so ingrained. I started considering going to bed hungry, skipping chocolate, and working out at levels that just weren’t realistic.
But something more powerful emerged and that was the new pair of eyes in which I began to see my body. The extra skin (and padding) on my stomach wasn’t gross but a reminder of how blessed I am to have two healthy children. My body wasn’t as thin as it used to be, but it felt strong and healthy, something confirmed at annual physicals. I was becoming grateful for how much my body has done for me and how much more I want to get out of it.
If I’m 100% honest with myself, losing weight at this point in my life would not be for my health, it would be for attention. To be the mom who gets compliments like “I can’t believe you’ve had two kids and are (gulp) over 40.” But luckily with my new eyes, that desire to look perfect has faded the same way smoke does after a fire.
What has changed me is two things: children and time. I know that no matter what my children look like, I will think they are the most beautiful people on earth. How can I treat myself so differently than how I treat them? This amazing love, no doubt, has helped put to rest that girl who wanted the wrong kind of attention, for all the wrong reasons. Why was she so hard to let go of?
And with time — and the hard life lessons like losing loved ones — I can see what is really important in life. Why would I put my energy into being a certain weight when there’s so little time to love and do what really matters?
So I will continue to teach my kids that bodies aren’t meant to be perfect or one-size-fits-all. They are meant to be healthy, strong, and well cared for. It just feels good to finally believe it.
Want to raise kids with a healthy relationship with food? Check out Maryann’s book How to Raise a Mindful Eater: 8 Powerful Principles for Transforming Your Child’s Relationship with Food
I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing. I am grateful for a mother who taught me these things you are talking about. She had big, strong legs and is a great bike rider and has always helped us (her kids) understand it is important to be healthy and strong and to take what you got and use it!
That’s awesome Colette!
Wow, what a great post!
excellent post. good for you!
I’ve followed you for years and have never commented, but this was an awesome blog! (Not that the others aren’t, I’m just a busy mom and don’t reply much). As a health and wellnes professional, I can’t tell you how wonderful your words are! Thank you!
Thanks Shauna for taking the time to comment ; ) It’s much appreciated!
Great post! Your honesty is appreciated, and your message positive.
So honest….if only our mothers were able to set such a loving example. I have vivid memories of my mother crying over her own appearance after having five children. I try very hard never to make comments about my two girls’ shapes, or my own, (and will not here) but friends and families aren’t so careful. No child needs to be labeled “skinny” nor should another be called “chunky.” Strong, healthy, fast, smart, funny, creative…let’s focus on the inside, not the outside.
Katy — I agree that we all would have benefited from better more positive role models. You may not be able to control what others say but you can be there to help translate for your girls. Keep up the good fight!
Wow. This is an absolutely fantastic post. I am really hoping to teach my children the same. But it is so hard in this world to not feel the intense pressure to be perfect. Thank you for writing such an honest and inspiring blog.
Thank You
Another great post! And of course while losing weight is one of the most common “problems” women are faced with, there are endless other ways women can feel their wonderful bodies don’t look as they “should”. Wrinkles… shape… color… even being naturally very thin (yes this happens too, it’s not the blessing everyone thinks it is!) It’s a constant internal battle with ourselves to accept and appreciate the amazing bodies we are lucky enough to live in. Thank you for saying it so well and reminding us to love what we have =)
Thank you so much. Our kids are similar ages and I identify with so much of what you say in this post and all of your posts. Thank you for wisdom and honesty. It means a lot to us.
I love that you wrote this.
I JUST finished an email to a dear friend about body image and came across your post. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and find myself thinking about body image quite a bit…and the thing is, I KNOW that if I eat well, sleep (when I can!), and exercise my body, I feel best, no matter the number. What a great reminder and a great example you are setting for your kids. I hope and plan to do the same for mine:-).
This post is great! It’s inspiring to know that there are people who embrace what they have and not complain about it. This positive mindset is so helpful for us to enjoy life. Thank you for sharing.