There are many ways parents discipline their children including timeouts, withholding devices or toys, and using rewards. Rewards and punishments do help shape behavior in the short-term but miss the mark when it comes to teaching kids how to deal with difficult emotions and learn problem-solving skills.
Episode 10 of The Healthy Family Podcast is all about a different way to discipline that connects us to our children, improves their emotional health, and actually encourages them to cooperate instead of just comply.
Today’s expert is Kelly Meier, Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) Instructor and blogger at Respectful Parent. Craving a connected relationship with her children, Kelly discovered R.I.E. (Resources for Infant Educarers) in their infant years. With a group of other passionate moms, she started the Respectful Parent blog, which is now her baby. As her children grew, Kelly found Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training and liked it so much she became certified and now teaches classes in San Diego. She shares what she has learned about this journey including key communication tools from P.E.T.
You will leave this show with several simple strategies you can implement today, to build a better relationship with your child. If you want to learn more about P.E.T. classes, see the links below.
Highlights from the Show:
- The Health Connection: why strong family relationships matter for health and well being.
- Kelly’s personal and professional journey as a mom turned P.E.T. instructor.
- Cultural beliefs about discipline: where they come from and why it’s important to question if they’re effective.
- The Dirty Dozen of communication roadblocks, things we do or say that block the flow of communication between parent and child (don’t worry, we’ve all done them).
- Why every family member’s needs matter and how to address these needs so everyone feels valued.
- Understanding that all behavior meets a need and how to find out what that need is before rushing to punishment.
- How to use the P.E.T.’s behavior window to understand who owns the problem, which helps you utilize the right skill (listening or talking).
- Why power struggles create resentment and how to build cooperation instead.
- How to give a child more information so he can understand and do the right thing without coercion or having to raise your voice.
- How to use active listening to help your child work through problems on his or her own.
- How to use “I” statements to get your message across and encourage your child to want to behave well.
- Kelly shares stories that bring these communication skills to life and show their benefit: connection, effective problem solving and a peaceful home.
Quote from the Show
All behavior meets a need and our job as parents is to identify what that need is and be curious, not furious. –– Kelly Meier
Connect with Kelly
Respectful Parent Website
Respectful Parent on Facebook
P.E.T. Classes Info
Kelly’s P.E.T. class in San Diego (get 50 dollars off if you mention you heard about the class on The Healthy Family Podcast/Maryann Jacobsen site — San Diego residents only )
Find P.E.T. classes outside of San Diego
Mentioned on the Show
Kelly’s mentors: Janet Lansbury and Lisa Sunbury
RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers)
Dirty Dozen Communication Roadblocks
Gordon Training International
Parent Effectiveness Training book
How to Raise a Mindful Eater
Kelly’s Popular Posts
Why Connection isn’t a Reward for Bad Behavior
One Surefire Way Kids Can Problem Solve (and Get Along!)
Why I Don’t Spank, Punish or Bribe My Kids
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Podcast Music: Corporate Uplifting by Scott Holmes
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