• Home
  • Start Here!
    • Subscribe
    • Topics
    • Top Tips!
  • About
    • Services
    • Contact Us!
    • Media
    • Disclaimer
  • Blog
    • Popular Posts
    • Recipe Index
  • Books
    • RD Book Coaching Services
  • Podcast
  • Privacy Policy
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • RSS Feed

Maryann Jacobsen

Independent Author & Family Nutrition Expert

  • Home
  • Start Here!
    • Subscribe
    • Topics
    • Top Tips!
  • About
    • Services
    • Contact Us!
    • Media
    • Disclaimer
  • Blog
    • Popular Posts
    • Recipe Index
  • Books
    • RD Book Coaching Services
  • Podcast
  • Privacy Policy

How to Raise Kids Who Love Their Bodies

March 1, 2012

young girl holding a red leaf up to her face during the fall
Tweet
Pin
Share235
Yum
Email
Share
235 Shares

It’s bath time. My 3-year old daughter stands naked in front of the mirror dancing, singing, and relishing each movement her body makes. One thing is obvious: she loves her body (and herself) in the purest way.

I want to keep her like this forever but I know there will come a day when she’ll mutter the dreaded words, “I look fat.” And then, like millions of people do every day, she might even take action by dieting.

“It’s not just about what parents don’t do, it’s about the actions they take,” said Sari Shepphird Ph.D., eating disorder specialist and author of 100 Questions & Answers About Anorexia Nervosa.

Shepphird makes it clear that eating disorder prevention is not about placing blame or making parents totally responsible. Instead, it’s giving parents the tools they need to steer their children in the right direction.

With that in mind, here are three ways parents can raise children with a positive body image and decrease the risk of disordered eating:

1. Focus on healthy behaviors, not weight

Abby Ellin was 12 years old when her grandmother told her she had to lose weight before visiting her in Florida. Like a lot of kids hitting the big P (puberty), she put on weight.

“I was always told that I had to be thin and beautiful,” she said. “I became obsessed with food, had days of the week for binging and other days for being good.” She spent 6 years in kids’ weight loss camp, had disordered eating patterns, and writes about her experiences in Teenage Waistland: A Former Fat-Camper Weighs in on Living Large, Losing Weight, And How Parents Can (And Can’t) Help

According to a report from the Academy for Eating Disorders, focusing on weight and appearance can encourage disordered eating behaviors and negatively affect self-esteem. Instead, they encourage prevention programs to focus on healthy behaviors, such as balanced eating and physical activity, not weight.

But avoiding the topic altogether may not bode well for a kid that is obviously struggling with his or her weight and size.

“Most of the parents I see are afraid to discuss weight with their child because they fear they will say the wrong thing,” said Jill Castle, MS, RD, pediatric nutrition specialist. “Instead of avoiding the subject, they can acknowledge their child’s feelings and help him or her develop a proactive, healthy approach .”

“I remember growing out of a pair of pants in middle school and being scared to tell my mom because I knew she’d start with the “I’m not buying you new pants because you need to lose weight” thing. I was never actually overweight, just a little pudgy, and I know now she just wanted me to be healthy, but it put a lot of pressure on me.” Gabriela, 20-year-old college student who has recovered from an eating disorder.

2. Discourage unhealthy dieting

According to the Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness, almost half of 9 to 11-year-olds are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets. But even more of their family members – 82 % — are on-and-off dieters. And because dieting is the behavior most linked to eating disorders, this is a major problem.

The first step parents can take is to have a diet-free household, meaning they don’t diet or model such behaviors. It’s important to remember that dieting is not good for two reasons. First, research shows it’s ineffective and is associated with weight gain over time. And second, going on and off diets has a negative impact on quality of life.

But even if parents don’t diet they might approach food from a diet-type mentality.

“Don’t label food as good or bad,” said Castle. “Avoid focusing on nutrition numbers like grams of protein, fat, or sugar.”

But even with a diet-free household, kids can be exposed to their friends’ unhealthy dieting practices. “When I was 15 years old I learned how to throw up from a friend,” says Elisabeth Armstrong, who was diagnosed with an eating disorder in college and chronicles her recovery on her blog, Joggers Life. “If someone stronger had been there to help me, it would have made a big difference.”

“I wish my mom hadn’t been so obsessed with dieting and exercise when I was little. I know it’s not her fault, but I grew up seeing food as a reward or a security blanket or even an enemy.” Shelly, a college student who is recovering from disordered eating patterns.

momshape

3. Help your child develop a positive body image

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, societal factors associated with eating disorders include pressure to be thin, a narrow definition of beauty, and cultural norms that value physical appearance over inner qualities.

But how do we raise children to be satisfied with their bodies in a culture that constantly strives for perfection?

“Sit down with your child and tell them that everyone is built genetically different,” said Castle. “Some are bigger, some are smaller and some are in between.” She advises parents to explain to their children that the images in magazines and movies are unrealistic – and do not represent the population as a whole. Some women may naturally be that thin, but many are not.

It’s also vital for parents to make sure their children know they are loved for who they are, even if they have a weight problem. Of course, all parents love their kids, but sometimes they can (unintentionally) send messages that make kids feel that their acceptance is tied to looking a certain way.

Read: How to Get Your Child Through Puberty without Hating Their Growing Body

“I think one of the best things parents can do is positive talk,” said Caronae, a 20-year old girl recovering from depression and poor body image. “Being told that you’re beautiful no matter what makes a difference!”

And last, and maybe most important, is for parents to be a positive role model when it comes to body image. “Parents need to do a self-check on themselves,” says Shepphird. “Kids see how parents relate to their own bodies and emulate that.”

This may be the tallest order yet. What person do you ever hear saying, “I just love my body,” not to mention all the insecurities that come with aging? When I find myself criticizing the way I look, I try to see myself through my kids’ eyes. As far as they’re concerned, I’m the be-all and end-all.

I understand this because I think my mom is one of the most beautiful women I know. And my husband is even more attractive to me now that he is a father. I believe the love we have for our kids, and vice versa can help us appreciate the beauty in a more rich way.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look our best and become healthier. But there is so much more to life than what someone looks like. And the sooner we get that message to our kids, the better off they’ll be.

“I wish my mom had known that her lifelong dieting and body-loathing was unnecessary because she is absolutely beautiful the way she is, and the ONLY person who sees something wrong with her is her.” Beth, a 17-year old girl from Australia who was diagnosed with an eating disorder last year.

For more on how to raise a child with a healthy relationship with food and her body, check out Maryann’s book How to Raise a Mindful Eater: 8 Powerful Principles for Transforming Your Child’s Relationship with Food

How to Raise a Mindful Eater book cover

Related Posts

  • The Annoying Kids' Eating Habit Parents Should Adopt

    We were out at our favorite Mexican restaurant when the conversation at the next table…

  • boy wearing red about to eat some turkey
    The Secret to Peaceful Holiday Eating with Kids

    With many families sitting down to dinners throughout the holidays, I can already hear the…

  • open book with stars background
    Good Reads for Parents and Kids

    I like to let my readers know of good reads in the area of family-related…

Tweet
Pin
Share235
Yum
Email
Share
235 Shares

Categories: Feeding School-Age Kids, Feeding Toddlers & Preschoolers 10 Comments

« 5 Mistakes Parents Make When Educating Kids About Nutrition
What the Disneyland Exhibit “Habit Heroes” Can Teach Us »

Comments

  1. Laurie says

    March 2, 2012 at 7:57 am

    I would love to see someone tackle the issues of how to do this in a household that, by medical necessity, has to count and restrict calories and know what is in the food. My youngest daughter has Prader Willi Syndrome, and I know someone who has Smith Magenis Syndrome that both struggle with low tone, low metabolism, and insatiable appetite – literally never feeling full and constantly feeling as if you are starving to death. I keep searching for healthy answers to this question for balance. I’ve tried a few tricks but not sure if I’m on the right path. If you ever do address this, could you email me with a heads up? I’ve got access to about 1000 people who would like to know the answer to that question as well.

    Reply
  2. Laurie says

    March 2, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I also meant to say, the balance between my healthy 5 year old loving her body and having a healthy relationship to food and my 2 year old PWS daughter, who by default will always have an unhealthy relationship with food.

    Reply
  3. Melanie says

    March 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

    I love this message. It’s interesting that you advises against talking about or paying over attention to protein, sugar and fat grams in our food. As a person interested in nutrition, I’ve taught my daughter to see the overall picture of a label. How much bone building calcium?  How much immune building vitamin C?  Is there protein that helps our muscles grow?  I wonder if I’m doing her a disservice by teaching her how to read and decipher labels?  For my perfectionist kid, I may very well have taken the wrong approach.  It’s confusing, for sure. We are all just doing our very best.

    Reply
    • Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD says

      March 2, 2012 at 11:49 am

      Melanie — there are no right or wrong answers so please don’t be too hard on yourself. A lot of it depends on how old your child is as most cannot understand complex topics until middle childhood. I discuss this in my last post!

      Reply
  4. Julia Moravcsik says

    March 2, 2012 at 10:04 am

    My personal opinion is that one of the the best way you can prevent future eating disorders in girls is to not focus on what they look like. I’m not sure (respectfully) that telling kids that people come in all sorts of shapes and all are beautiful is the right message. Young girls should be oblivious to how pretty they are. Don’t create that part of their brains that imagines someone looking at them and judging how pretty they are. Honestly, who cares how pretty someone is? If someone loves you, they think you’re beautiful anyway. If they don’t, then who cares what they think about your looks? The upshot of the “beautiful female” culture that we live in is that women get obsessed with what people who don’t even know them think of how they look. We need to start with our kids and teach them that the best part of their bodies is that their bodies house THEM…and we love them!

    Reply
    • Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD says

      March 2, 2012 at 11:48 am

      Thanks for your comment Julie. The problem is that if you have a bigger than average child it is likely they will get picked on in school (or eventually be told they are fat and will come to parents for answers). Actually, weight and size discrimmination is at an all-time high with kids (maybe at least partly due to the war on obesity). I think parents need to educate kids that people do come in all shapes and sizes because it is true. I think you are right that telling children “everyone is beautiful” is not the way to go. Thanks for your insight!

      Reply
  5. Carolyn says

    March 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Fabulous post. As the mother of 2 girls, I found this valuable. I want them to grow up loving themselves, no matter what others think.

    Reply
    • Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD says

      March 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

      Thanks Carolyn! I’m sure you’re doing a great job!

      Reply
  6. Kaylee says

    March 5, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Thank you SO much for posting this. I have 2 young daughters, each with very different bodies, and I never want them to hate their bodies like I did when I was growing up. I related to every quote you posted–my mom would constantly punish herself for what she ate and would always pinpoint what she hated about her body in front of me. When I got married, I was acting the same way, but when we found out we were expecting our first baby, a girl, my husband made it stop. He put his foot down and said that he no longer wanted to hear me say negative things about my appearance because he never wanted our daughter to hear that. Best advice he could’ve given me. I not only stopped saying bad things about my looks, I stopped hating how I looked. I actually read this post with my husband, too, and we are working together to help our girls love themselves and their bodies. Thanks again!

    Reply
  7. California Callie says

    April 4, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Thank you for sharing this kind of Idea, I have a two daughter that keep asking why some women are Thin an some are Fat?.. thank’s to this blog, I have learned an Idea about, What my two daughter what trying to ask.. Thank’s Mary Ann, you such a good blogger..

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi, I’m Maryann…

Hi, I’m a registered dietitian who focuses on developmental stages. Here, you won’t get one-size-fits-all advice. Instead, you’ll get information based on your (and your family’s) age and stage. Make your choice between family and midlife-focused newsletters below and subscribe. Find out more!

Recent Posts

  • Yes, Every Midlife Women Should Take a Multivitamin (And Here’s Why)
  • 10 Signs Intermittent Fasting Doesn’t Live Up to the Hype
  • What do the Latest Vitamin D Studies Really Tell Us?
  • 3 Breathing Exercises That Will Change Your Life with Nick Heath [Podcast]
  • 6 Dietary Supplements Most Teenagers Need

Random Posts

  • 5 Things Every Parent Needs to Know About Fruit Juice5 Things Every Parent Needs to Know About Fruit Juice
  • Weekly Meal Plan: Monday January 24thWeekly Meal Plan: Monday January 24th

Categories

Get the books!

The Alliance of Independent Authors - Author Member

Join the Newsletter

Sign up for Maryann’s E-mail Newsletter and get her ebook The Landmines of a Healthy Relationship with Food for FREE. Subscribe now!

Thank you!

You have successfully joined our subscriber list. You're not done. Check your email to confirm your address. After you do that, you'll receive a link for the free e-book.

.

Copyright © 2023 — Maryann Jacobsen • All rights reserved • Powered by Femme Flora. Designed & Developed by BinaryTurf Privacy Policy

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.OK Privacy Policy
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT