When I educate patients every week, many of who have just had their first heart attack, the story is eerily familiar. They say they eat pretty healthily and try to exercise but then I find mentally they aren’t doing too hot: little sleep, lots of stress and pressures and not a lot of true self-care going on.
I believe that when it comes to health and well-being, we are missing the boat on the role that our crowded, overworked minds play in it all. And I had to learn that the hard way.
My first brush with panic
I was in my late twenties when the strangest feeling came over me while driving. I was dizzy and felt like I was losing control of myself. When the feeling subsided I was left clueless as to what just happened. This occurred a couple more times but never developed into much.
Not long after that, I dealt with swallowing problems, making it stressful to eat in front of other people. And when I turned 30, I started to have heart palpitations and got a full workup done by a cardiologist. I was told not only that I was fine, but I was in really great shape (this is the time I ran marathons).
So here I was eating right, working out like mad, but my mind was being left in the dust
The search for answers
I moved to New York when I was 31 and sought help at this time. Most importantly, I was able to leave my comfortable surroundings and get perspective on my life. I also researched the causes of anxiety. There is no doubt that I have a genetic tendency towards it, but I was surprised how much I could control and that included taming my thoughts.
What I discovered was that even though I knew my thoughts were over the top (my husband is always amazed at what my mind can conjure up), my mind took them very seriously. In fact, much of what I was feeling had to do with my thoughts and not my true self. What a relief!
One of the books I discovered was the Feeling Good Handbook, in which Dr. Burns goes into details about how thoughts make us feel, with the science to prove it. With this new awareness, my anxiety became manageable and those scary symptoms disappeared.
What this has to do with raising healthy children
Stress is a constant in most families. According to the 2010 Stress in America survey by the American Psychological Association, frequent stressors include money (76%), work (70%) and the economy (65%) with “family responsibilities” (73%) being cited as a key stressor for parents. Although most parents in the survey (69%) say managing stress is important, only about half feel they are successfully dealing with it.
That’s not all — the first Stress in America survey to interview kids (2009) showed that stress affects children more than parents realize. For example, 45 percent of teens (13-17) said they were more worried this year, but only 28 percent of parents recognized it. And while a quarter of tweens (8-12) said they worried more this year, only 17 percent of parents reported their child’s stress had increased.
Research shows that stress is not good for our health as it can increase hunger hormones, decrease immunity and is linked to chronic disease. Some of it has to do with how the stress is handled in terms of less sleep, poor diet and little exercise but researchers now believe that the hormones secreted during prolonged periods of stress can increase inflammation in the body.
I may not experience anxiety symptoms anymore, but I still have a lot of work to do to be a good role model for my kids. The unhelpful thoughts keep coming and I want to keep them at bay, while tuning more into my intuitive side. So with this blog, and its relevance to health, I thought, why not put it out there, as many of you might be in the same boat.
So I’ve made the commitment to sit still for 5 minutes each day and see where it takes me.
If you want to join me, leave a comment.
I want to join you! I just finished meeting with a therapist in my son’s middle school to help manage his stress and anxiety (his request). The therapist can’t see us because of our insurance. She gave me lots of tips, and I will be working with my son on my own. I’m planning daily meditation and mindfulness, supplemented by a mom’s intuitive brand of cognitive behavior therapy. I’m thankful that my son has been able to verbalize his anxious thoughts and ask for help, and I’m looking for resources and surrounding myself with like-minded parents.
Elizabeth, Big A has shown signs of anxiety too! I think it’s good to catch it when they are young. Have you looked into any books? I’ve started looking and will let you know what I end up getting. Thanks for joining!
Fellow health professional, lives written from same play book. Have toyed several times with incorporating meditation but never seem to follow thru. As I sit poolside for a weekend watching my kids swim, recovering from the flu I will take your blog as a sign to once again explore mediation
Sounds good Kim. I figure 5 minutes a day is do-able.
Anxiety can be my constant companion if I don’t exercise and remember to breathe deeply. On the days that I shortchange myself, my family suffers and our stress level increases.
I want to join you as it will help my goal to pursue a holistic approach to my health and the health of my family.
Great Michelle! Exercise has been a livesaver for me too. Try the 5 minutes a day and let me know how it goes the next time I post. We can do this!
I’m currently reading Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson. He talks about how humans have a negativity bias which was shaped by evolution and helped early humans survive but causes modern humans anxiety and depression. Here he is giving a speech on how to start combating those negative thoughts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-GJivPkHXk. He also has a free weekly e-newsletter which are about stopping to appreciate and notice the good in life http://www.rickhanson.net/writings/just-one-thing
Thanks Sally! It sounds interesting. I’ll look into it.
I read Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy in my early 20s and it was life-changing for me. I haven’t taken anti-depressants for almost 10 years and can self-talk my way through anxiety for the most part. Cardio and yoga are my ways of meditating and I’ve resolved to commit to regular exercise this year in part to manage my stress. Great post!
Jo — great to hear someone else has benefited from Feeling Good. I wish more people knew about it!
Thanks for sharing that! I would like to hear about any books on anxiety in kids, given their family history I may need some guidance as my sons get older. My resolutions this year include restarting a yoga practice, for physical and mental health. I’ve never had much success with meditation, but I find yoga very helpful for my mental wellbeing. I also recently put a diary app on my phone with a goal of jotting down my thoughts and feelings more often.
Anne — I’m looking at books now and will let you know. Big A is showing signs of anxiety which runs in my side of the family.
This sounds like my story. I would like to join you! 5 minutes, we can do that. Thanks for the inspiration and motivation!
Thanks Erin and welcome!
I’m willing to give it a try, too. I hadn’t thought about how I’ve neglected my mind since becoming a mom, but maybe that’s the piece of the puzzle I have been feeling was missing…
Lissa — the mind is the first thing to go. Thanks for joining!
What a great post, very true that stress management is important in taking care of ourselves and family— it’s scary that our children can be so affected by it. I love your resolution
Thanks Angelea. It’s important and overlooked!
Sounds so much like me! I have tried meditating for a few minutes a day, but never seem to be able to sustain it. Ironically, the most stressful times, when I need it most, are the times when I find excuses not to do it. 5 minutes of our day is nothing. Surely we can do it?!!
Yes we can!!
I would like to join you! I know that stress can lead to me not being as patient with my kids (as well as health problems). Plus, I also can see my son struggling at times with anxiety and would like to develop tools to help him.
Great Amy!