This is Part 3 of my Managing Sweets Series
The Johnny Depp remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory delves into why Willy Wonka is so obsessed with chocolate. We discover that his parents wouldn’t let him eat any of the stuff growing up. This is why he decided to surround his entire home with chocolate.
In real life, parents don’t always realize that how they feed their kids impacts whether children enjoy sweets and go on their merry way or obsess and want more. “Humans are genetically programmed to like sweet foods,” says Dr. Gary Beauchamp, researcher, and director of the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia. “Sweets have an incredibly profound reinforcing quality.”
In the first post in the Managing Sweets Series, we touched on the real reason families have trouble controlling sweets — and now we are going to better define the problem.
Here are the 8 things that don’t help:
1. Put it in sight and say “no”
“Having food in sight but off-limits drives kids crazy” says Jennifer Orlet Fisher, Ph.D., Associate Professor in the Department of Public Health at Temple University. “Caregivers need to decide what’s appropriate to bring in the house and how accessible they want to make it.”
Orlet Fisher’s research shows that kids with restricted access to palatable foods like sweets, tend to eat more when given the chance. When kids feel restricted this creates what feeding expert Ellyn Satter calls “scarcity” so they obsess and eat more whenever they can.
2. Provide unlimited access to sweets
While Beauchamp admits there is no research showing that too many sweets in childhood affect preferences later in life, you don’t want to go to the other extreme and allow kids to grab sweets whenever they want.
This is because sweets foods are easy to like and energy-dense. If a large proportion of kids’ diet comes from these foods, it lessens the chance they will eat and learn to like other nutritious foods.
“I wish my parents taught me more about moderation,” says Amy, a blogger at Second City Randomness. “Aside from soda (our special Friday night treat), we had access to everything in the house.”
3. Make them clean their plates
Twenty-four preschool students were separated into two groups. One group was asked to focus on internal cues of hunger and fullness during a high and low-calorie snack and another group focused on external cues and finishing what was on their plates.
The internal group showed responsiveness to calories when they were served food afterward, eating more following the low-calorie item and less of the high-calorie item. But the external group ate more regardless of the calories in the snack, showing less food regulation
The bottom line is getting into the habit of making kids eat more food than they want increases the likelihood they will do the same for all kinds of food, including sweets.
4. Give sweets all the attention
Studies also show the attention we give sweets, both negative and positive, can create more desire. For example, a parent might act more excited when their kids get ice cream. “It’s ice cream time!” The same goes for calling sweets bad or unhealthy or worse, taking them away as punishment. A kid comes wandering into the kitchen asking for sweets and the parent replies,” you already ate too much junk today, enough already!”
This constant denial of sweets makes eating a game of “I’ll get more and show you!” Wansink tries reverse psychology with his kids by providing fruit for dessert. He and his wife create a lot of excitement for fruit by saying, “It’s cantaloupe for dessert….yeah!”
5. Always reward with sweets
This has been said before but it bears repeating. When we use sweet food as a reward, it increases kids’ desire for it. It sends the message that the good healthy food is punishment for the best part of the meal – dessert.
Sweets are also used as a reward for going to the potty, doing well in school and celebrations. While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying sweets and having them at celebrations, you want to make sure children don’t learn to always associate sweets with rewarding themselves.
See: What Rewarding Children with Food Looks Like 20 Years Later
6. Use sweets for emotional hardships (parent and child)
It’s not easy watching our kids experience difficult feelings. It’s just so easy to offer the cookie for the scraped knee or the lollipop following shots at the doctor. While once and a while this is fine, too much of this can create an association that sweets make bad feelings go away.
A study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition demonstrates how kids can learn this behavior from their parents. Mothers who used food to regulate emotions had preschoolers who ate more cookies and chocolate in the absence of hunger.
7. Declare a sugar free household
Beauchamp tells the story of a child who was not allowed any sweets at home — ever! The kid got around this rule by picking old gum off shoes and desks and eating it.
Orlet Fisher says she “never advocates parents eliminating sweet foods.” While there may be some instances where a sweet-free child will turn out fine, many will rebel and not be prepared to handle the real world, which is full of sweets.
Read: Got a Child Obsessed with Food? Research Warns: Don’t Restrict Them
8. Be controlling with how much
It’s party time and a parent gives her child a cookie saying “You can just have one.” This lets the child know from the get-go that she’s limited and can’t have more even if she wants to.
“It’s important for parents not to restrict their kids to 2 cookies, but let them know they can have more if they are hungry for it.” Says Katie Mulligan, a pediatric dietitian from Rhode Island. “If their children are eating a healthy diet at home, parents don’t have to embarrass kids in public by restricting their intake of treats and kids can enjoy those treats until they are full.”
We may not be able to change the innate preference our kids have for sweets but we can help level the playing food – and make sweets just something else they eat at certain times. This will help them grow up better able to manage sweets in their diet.
Our next post will provide real-life case studies of families who have found the right balance when it comes to offering sweets.
Previous: The Word that Will Transform Your Family’s Eating
Want a research-based guide on teaching kids how to eat sweets in moderation? Check out Maryann’s book, How to Raise a Mindful Eater: 8 Powerful Principles for Transforming Your Child’s Relationship with Food
Great tips! I will share this post with my readers at http://www.facebook.com/pronutrionist
Thanks Reijo!
This is great. I always worry about too much and too little sweets. I try to remember what my Mom did with us, but she says she just didn’t think much about it. For the most part we do as you described above.
I do have a question for you. I don’t ever force my kids to finish dinner (clean their plate) in order to have a snack later. We generally only offer healthy snacks (apple, popcorn, etc..). But my question is how do you handle it when your kid refuses to eat lunch, but then wants an ice cream treat. We took the kids on a nature hike today with the plan of having lunch out then getting ice cream. Well one daughter took one bite of her lunch, said she didn’t like it, then threw a fit when we said she couldn’t have ice cream since she didn’t eat any lunch.
I hate tying the treat to lunch, but I also felt like she shouldn’t just not eat lunch and then still get the treat.
My husband I were both unsure of how to proceed. Any advice would be great.
I think if first have to consider how often this happens. We don’t usually do dessert after dinner but when we go to my mother in laws or are on vacation, my daughter gets dessert no matter what she eats — and often times she doesn’t eat dinner either because she’s not hungry or there is all unfamiliar food. Again, I try not to make a big deal about dessert or make them feel like they have to eat a certain amount in order to get something sweet. I follow the division of reponsibility so I leave the whether and how much up to my daughter even when dessert follows the meal.
I was talking to another mom friend of mine about this and she has the same problem. But when I talked to her I found this only happens when they are out, maybe once a month. So if they don’t eat a balanced meal before dessert every once and while what’s the harm?
I will be talking about specific strategies in my last post on the subject so hopefully that will help.
magnificent points altogether, you just gained a
brand new reader. What may you suggest about your post that
you simply made some days ago? Any certain?
Right here is the right web site for anybody who would like to
understand this topic. You realize a whole lot its almost hard
to argue with you (not that I actually will need to…HaHa).
You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject that has been discussed for years.
Excellent stuff, just excellent!
Hubbie and I don’t eat sweets, so should we intentionally bring sweets into the house because “7. Declare a sugar free household” will make baby fat?
Babies don’t need sweets but as they get older (usually around 3-ish) they may start asking. I often get emails when kids are that age. I would just follow your child’s lead as they get older.
Thank you so much for this post, and for all of your others on this topic! We had a revelation about our approach with our sweets-obsessed 3.5yr old at a party last weekend, where every other child seemed to eat all things in moderation, and ours absolutely did not, even when we tried to ‘control’ it by encouraging him to play (by which he would play with a balloon for one minute, then ask me if he had played enough to go and have more lollies now) or to fill up with other food too (just three bites of apple, mama?). It was excruciating, and quite embarrassing too, which is hard to admit.
I love all these approaches here, but I worry because he isn’t a very balanced eater in the first place. I worry that this freedom will all backfire… He is a very cautious boy, with life and food, and this idea that children need to see/be offered a food eleven times before they try it? I am SURE I have given him egg, meats, and a whole bunch of fruits and veggies in a whole array of presentation options around two hundred times! 🙂
But something needs to change… so we are going to take a deep breath and give it a shot. Thanks!
Johanna,
It’s important to note freedom is really just allowing him to decide when he is done eating and what to chose. You still provide the food. It’s still best to provide non-nutritious foods less often.
Your child is in the picky-eating phase which peaks between 2 and 5. He will gradually try more foods but some kids it takes many exposures. My picky eating series and book, From Picky to Powerful, provide the background information for feeding fussy children.
Good luck!
I’ve read the series and found some really great information, but I’m still left not really knowing what approach to take with my toddler if restriction is bad, unlimited access is bad, and allowing access but controlling amount is bad… It feels like there’s no option left! : )
I feel like older children can understand more of an explanation about health, portion, and frequency, and be trusted and empowered to make good eating decisions, but what about a 2 -or 3-year-old?
We don’t keep a lot of sweets in the house, but she’s allowed to have a taste of anything we eat, but then that’s all she wants to eat. We mostly just don’t eat sweets in front of her anymore to not have to deal with the whining – or the negative health effects – but I’m just at a loss as to how to start my toddler off on the right foot with sweets!
Hi Rebecca,
My most recent writings on teaching moderation define it much more clearly. I recently published a book entitled How to Raise a Mindful Eater that might interest you. It’s available on amazon. the key is to create a “flexible goodies policy” and explain it to your child. Maybe you decide to offer sweets three times a week. So when you serve it at snack, allow her to eat as much as she wants as long as she stays at the table. Maybe pick a night or two for dessert and be consistent. She will know what to expect and will be more calm. My book goes into much more detail and offers 8 principles for raising a child with a healthy relationship with food. I offer free consults to anyone who buys my books so if you are interested you can reach me at [email protected]
Hello Maryann. I have 3 Children and have completely changed our method in relation to food since reading how to raise a mindful eater. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and was desperate to learn how not to do the same with my children.
I would like to know what you suggest about competitive eating between siblings. My children will often grab more sweets if they fear someone else will eat them before they get a chance. How would you handle these situations?
I think it depends on the situation. I usually remind my kids there is more than enough for everyone. When do you notice it the most?
I notice it most when they receive a bag of lollies from their Grandmother to share. I try to remind them that we can have more another day but it seems like they are more worried about getting more sweets then their sibling incase they run out then enjoying the ones they have.
I would keep the reminders coming and over time they’ll get it. Also, reminders to enjoy the treat when you see they are more fixated on what others are getting. It sounds like your changes are recent so again, it can take times for kids to become more relaxed. You can always set up 15 minutes with me if you have questions (you need to be subscribed to my site)