You’ve all seen the articles where the writer brags about their young child eating spicy foods, clams, mussels, and every vegetable known to man. The parent gloats and takes full credit for the good eater they’ve created. And because this makes them an expert, they offer up advice which is usually something like “Don’t change a thing, just give your kid EVERYTHING you eat!”
Those parents with less-than-adventurous eaters may feel a pang of guilt for not offering their child clams or super-spicy foods.
But something vital is missing from these all-too-familiar messages about feeding: all kids are different. While parents have a strong influence over their child’s eating over time, each child comes into the world with their own eating personality. And figuring out what that is, and working around it, can help parents and children immensely.
In part one of our Picky Eating series, we helped you rule out whether or not your kid’s picky eating habits are normal. Now we are going to classify normal eating behavior to help you better understand your child. One quick note: if your child is under two their true eating personality may not be revealed yet.
Eating Style Types
In Fearless Feeding my coauthor and I discuss how every child eats differently based on a variety of factors:
Each child experiences his or her own taste and texture world. Some are more sensitive to the bitter tastes of vegetables, whereas others are not. the same family may have one child who is a sensory seeker, enjoying different textures and spicy foods, and another child who is more sensitive, needing extra time, and patience.
we describe three different types of eaters that often show up an early age or after picky eating hits by age two.
Eager Eater: These eaters will try and accept new foods easily and learn to like a variety of foods sooner than most children. Like some kids learn to talk or read early, these little ones are quick learners in the food department. They also tend to be big eaters.
It’s important o note that most babies up until about 18 monhts to age two are decently eager, eating most foods parents provide. This typically changes between the ages of 2 and 6. Yet really cautious kids usually show this tendency early.
Somewhere-in-between Eater: This is the category in which most kids are likely to fall. In general, they are cautious with new foods but over time, very gradually, add a variety of food to their repertoire.
Cautious: This eating personality often shows up when solids are first started. These children are extremely cautious with food and may take until middle childhood to learn to like a variety of foods. Some may even be “supertasters,” with a heightened sense of taste and texture.
Temperament
Once you understand how your little one accepts new foods, you also have to consider their temperament. Are they stubborn? Easy going? Somewhere in between?
Why does this matter? It’s good to know if your kid does better with encouragement or not. Stubborn children are more likely to rebel while easy-going kids might do fine with a little push (no forcing of course).
My three-year-old is the in-between child, meaning some encouragement is okay but too much turns her off. I mainly talk to her about trying new foods when she’s not eating. Like a lot of kids, she takes pride in trying the food on her terms, when she’s ready. But an easy-going, enthusiastic eater is likely to accept encouragement easily.
How much they eat
I just went to a barbecue where I met an enthusiastic eating 7-year old girl. Before dinner, she snacked on fruits, cheese, vegetables, and crackers. She even made her own cracker sandwich with dried fruit and veggies. I thought, if this was my daughter, there’s no way she would touch her dinner after eating that. But this girl ate her entire dinner plus 2 servings of dessert. Oh, and she was tall and thin.
Just as kids accept a variety of food differently, they also eat different quantities. Bigger kids do not always eat more food than smaller ones. Each kid comes with their unique metabolism determining how fast or slow they burn calories.
If we try to force kids with little appetites to eat more, they eat even less. And if we try to restrict kids with big appetites, they’ll want to eat more. As parents, it’s important to recognize that different kids need different amounts of food.
Use it to your advantage
My daughter was a great sleeper from day one and responded VERY well to sleep advice. My son was colicky and did not. Luckily I armed myself with information about colic to help me get through the tough first 4 months. I had to accept that my son was not like my daughter in terms of sleep but I also knew he could end up a good sleeper if I stayed the course.
As a parent, you already know your child’s way of eating extremely well. But if you find yourself constantly frustrated, it’s probably because you are attempting to change an eating personality that is unchangeable. Maybe you are trying hard to get your late bloomer to be an enthusiastic eater. Or you are overly pushing your stubborn child to try new foods. Or you are trying to make your love-to-eat child eat smaller amounts like other kids.
But the best news is that all kids can grow up to be healthy and happy eaters. It’s just the road to get there will be different for each unique child. And this series will provide you with the tools you need to be successful.
So I’m curious. What kind of eater(s) do you have at home? I have a Somewhere in-Between eater who is semi-stubborn and eats a huge breakfast, medium lunch and picks at dinner. My littlest one’s eating personality is yet to be determined.
For more strategies on empowering picky eaters, check out Maryann’s book: From Picky to Powerful: the Mindset, Strategies, and Know-How You Need to Empower Your Picky Eater
Previous: How to Tell if Your Picky Eater Needs Help
Next: 8 Things Picky Eaters Wish Their Parents Knew
I’m completely fascinated sometimes by watching other children eat, especially the Enthusiastic Eaters. My 2 nieces are Enthusiastic Eaters. I’ve got a strong-willed, super picky, Late Bloomer who doesn’t eat much at all. He’s got a stomach condition causing him to always feel full (and as result isn’t that interested in food). Mealtimes at our house are still a big struggle, and as you mentioned, with this temperament, the more you encourage, the more they resist!
I have 3 year old twins and a 4 year old and I laughed to realize that I have one of each of those eaters … no wonder I feel like this is a constant battle. Over all, they all eat pretty well and that is what I try to focus on … the accumulation of what they get over a week. But I still worry when they seem to go through a period of being picky.
Thanks for the insight…
This is a really nice post. Explained well. Many of the families I work with who have feeding problems seem to have three kids. Two do fine with encouragement and “one-bite-rules,” and the third reacts with a fight. One mom called it “45 minutes of hostage negotiations!” It is so predictable sometimes and helpful when parents think back to a more fussy child, or one who was more sensitive to new things, or change, or had more stranger anxiety or more stubborn in other areas as well. Temperament is so important! What is so great about the trust model of feeding, with the Division of Responsibility at it’s core is that it works for all three types.
I have a 3 yr old who ate nothing but PB&J for 3 meals yesterday. Today though he ate Blueberry pancakes, watermelon, pasta and carrots (probably because he was at school). Huh.
My 13 month old eats anything, but won’t drink milk. Double huh. I cannot wean him because he won’t drink milk.
It is amazing to me to see the difference between them.
A very interesting set of articles! My first son is a steady accumulator. I’m quite happy with the variety of food he eats at age 7 1/2, and I expect him to keep improving. His main current flaw is that he will say that he is full rather than that he doesn’t like what he is eating. My younger son is a late bloomer with a stubborn personality. He eats a frighteningly small set of foods, and seems highly sensitive to textures. For example, whole wheat toast with margarine is one of his staples, and if the center of the slice is mushy, he will spit it out. He likes instant oatmeal (banana flavor only), but will spit out a bite if he takes too much. I’m very glad to learn that texture sensitivity can go with being a super taster, and perhaps that explains his problem.
I’m looking forward to the rest of this series!!
Thanks Audrey! It is amazing how different kids are. All I know is that my 14-month old is going to be stuborn (and throw a lot of food!)
Cara, Sorry you are going through that. Hopefully things will get better soon.
Merri Ann, I also try to look at how my kids eat over time instead of one day.
Katja, You are so right about DOR, it works for every type!
Evelyn, my kids are going to be so different. It keeps things interesting!
My son is like the enthusiastic 7 year old girl you talk about. Anytime we go to a party, playdate, etc. it is like a food free for all for him. I try to limit him, but then I wonder if I shouldn’t. We had a playdate Tuesday and he snacked on crackers, pretzels, grapes, etc. then ate a full lunch. We had a playdate yesterday and he wanted to eat lots of cookies, but then didn’t eat dinner. It is almost embarrasing at times because I feel like he is so focused on food and keeps coming back for more. And watch out when I tell him no! Tantrum galore!
My 2 year old girl eats a LOT. She’s in between the steady and enthusiastic – not eating something the first time she sees it but generally eating it later. She also will NOT drink milk, but we make up for this in other areas (orange juice with calcium, vitamins, cheese/yogurt).
The thing that I have learned/known is that kids eat what they are presented with. If it was up to her, she’d eat nothing but chicken nuggets and fries all day, but we simply never have them in the house. For example, the new kind of cheese. She wanted nothing to do with it and started crying. So, I took a bite, showed it to her in my mouth (yucky I know, but it works) and then continued on with my morning. She finally gave up on the crying (after I ignored her for a good while) and then asked for the cheese again… and this time ate it and declared it yummy. This is our general game plan for all food. This is what we’re eating. Don’t like it? Fine. That is the ONLY thing that is available. She has a choice, eat or not eat, but it is up to her.
Yes, we do go with individual preferences – she doesn’t seem to like green peas. No big deal, so long as she eats green beans or something else. But not liking everything is not an option. Her 12 year old cousin is that way and her parents just though that she really didn’t like everything. She is now very over weight.
The frustrating part is the comments that I get… Her cousin doesn’t eat because her parents don’t “make” her or didn’t do xyz…. My kid does eat because she just likes everything. So, the parents get blamed when they don’t eat and the kid gets the credit when they do. Malarkey. My kid eats because that’s just who she is and because otherwise she’d starve. In a nice loving way of course.
I think I have one of each. My oldest girl (8) is probably a Steady Accumulator. She will try many things although her list of favorites is still pretty limited. And recently she became a vegetarian so now we have a whole new challenge!
My middle girl (6) is definitely a Late Bloomer. She eats very little. I almost always have fresh fruit as part of our dinner and most nights that’s all she eats…maybe some bread or a plain tortilla to go with it.
My youngest girl (almost 4) is certainly an Enthusiastic Eater…at least so far. She will try anything. She’s my only veggie eater (yes, even the vegetarian poo-poos vegetables…go figure). She loves Indian food, Thai food, spicy food, anything. It is so much fun to go out to dinner with her.
Interesting article!
We just have to be persistent but in a fun way and eventually our children will begin to eat healthy. Visit me for more advice and ideas about how to raise strong healthy children in today’s ever changing society.
Meg,
I think the is to have structure with meals. When we go out I’m more lenient and my daughter does graze on food. But at home it’s regular meals at the table, which works much better. I think kids go through phases of being into certain foods. My daughter used to go straight to snack-type foods at parties but at a recent BBQ she barely touched the snack table and was into her dinner.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Gene and Lisa.
Joel, will check out your site!
Just thought you would want to know that your link to the next post “8 things…” doesn’t work!
Hello, I just found your blog and I have been hooked for the last 2 hours. I am doing my best to remember every meal that I should let my 4 years old boy eat as much as he wants and not as much as I think is right. I often find myself saying ” that is not enough” or ” one more bite” or ” no dessert if you don’t finish” and when I look backwards at the end of the day I always regret and beat myself for giving my son such hard time to eat. The main problem is that he takes forever to eat. I feel bad just giving him 20 or 30 min as the doctor has told me to do because I think it is not enough time for him. Should I keep trying giving him a time limit? As I said, he takes a long time to eat but it is mainly because he talks a lot about everything. Thanks for such an interesting blog and Keep the good work!
Welcome Silvia. I think it depends on what’s going on. Sometimes meals drag out because children will go play and come back etc. In these cases, it’s good to have a limit and let the child know the meal is over when they want to leave. But if your child just takes a bit longer to eat, you could just remind him to focus on the food but allow longer eating times. I don’t think there’s a once size fits all approach. Let me know if you have any other questions!
Hello. I’m wondering if you might be interested in doing a link swap? I see your website: http://www.maryannjacobsen.com/2010/05/picky-eating-part-2-how-to-pinpoint-your-childs-eating-personality-and-why-it-helps/ and my blog are based around the same subject matter. I’d really like to switch links or possibly guest author a write-up for
you. Here is my personal e-mail: [email protected].
Make sure you contact me if you’re even remotely interested. Many thanks.
My daughter is 9 years old but much bigger than other kids her age. I think her height is approx. 152 cm and weight about 50 kg. She loves milk and eggs but I limit that to 3 cups and max 2 eggs a day. She eats mostly rice or wheat-based foods, almost no vegetables or fruits. And nothing spicy. My fear is that she may not be getting enough vitamins and minerals even though her growth is quite fast.