I’m going to get straight to this week’s meal plan because I have a lot to say below. We grilled Sunday so will be having leftovers today. That’s a good excuse to go out and play longer before dinner. I love easy dinner nights!
For more meal planning inspiration see Org Junkie.
What’s Cooking This Week
Monday: Leftovers from grill
Tuesday: Chicken Pasta Primavera with a big salad
Wednesday: Kids’ Choice
Thursday: Asian Lettuce Wraps with a side of fruit (new!!)
Friday: Grilled Fish Tacos with all the toppings and a side of black beans.
More from Cooking Light
20-Minute Vegetarian Meals
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
Little D is going to preschool throughout the summer 2 days a week. When he first started a year ago, his lunches almost always came back empty or almost empty. But lately there are about half-done or he eats half his sandwich and picks at the other stuff or all his sandwich and none of the other stuff.
There have been two times his teacher mentioned his eating as a potential problem. The first time, I responded with “it’s normal for kids’ appetite to decrease at this stage because their growth slows.” (I don’t think that was the answer she was expecting). A bit later, when Little D had an “interaction” with another child, the teacher said she thought it was because he was hungry from eating less at lunch.
This didn’t even faze me but I can see how it could get parents worried. They might start pushing food, taking an honest appetite and trying to change it. One example is a four-year old I recently saw who claimed he “grew taller” from finishing his turkey sandwich, no doubt from his mom trying to get him to eat more. Knowing my son, any attempts to get him to eat would make him want to eat less. Plus, feeding would turn into a struggle which is the last thing I want.
I know it isn’t always easy because kids may use the “hunger” card to get foods they want, and the “full” card to avoid eating dinner, only to want dessert. There are three things that have helped me in this area: having structured meals, always having something at the table my kids like and never tying food intake to dessert.
Between age 2 and puberty (the two big growth pushes) children grow in spurts so there really are times they are not very hungry and other times they want to keep eating — this is normal eating. Additionally, children regulate food intake differently than adults do — they might eat large amounts at one meal but they usually compensate by eating less at the next one. I trust my children’s hunger and when they seem extra ravenous, I move snacks earlier or allow fruit at random times when they claim to be “hunry” (as Little D says).
Now if growth decreases or foods become very limited, there could be a problem that needs professional help. But most cases the kid is just eating to their appetite and that is different from adults’ appetite which is more stable and predictable.
Picky Eaters: Born? Made? Both?
Not much in the way of news this week but this article on Motherlode (Parents of picky eating, it’s not your fault) caught my eye. The truth? I had been thinking of writing a similar article.
The writer, Stephanie Lucianovic, grew up a picky eater and didn’t expand her eating until her late twenties. While I agree with her that the nature of picky eating isn’t caused by parents, how parents respond can make a big difference over the long haul (I’ll talk more about that in an upcoming post). Just like erratic appetites are normal, so is a stage of picky eating, which will be different for each individual child.
But this idea that picky eating is a direct reflection on good or bad parenting, does more harm than good. One mom told me she was so relieved that her second wasn’t as picky as her first, because then it wasn’t her fault. I sympathize with all those parents who feel shame around their child’s eating.
So I’m going to say it: I’m the proud mom of two picky eaters. My kids are pretty average when it comes to food selectiveness. One is branching out little by little, as kids tend to do around age 6. The other, like a lot of 3 year olds, is not very open to new foods but thoroughly enjoys eating.
When feelings of inadequacy take hold, I remind myself that is not my job to make my children eat. I focus on the meal planning, variety, timing of meals and making it all enjoyable. And then I remember how I ate as a kid — and that I didn’t even like food until I was older and played sports.
There is so much more to raising healthy eaters than the number of foods a child eats. There’s eating enjoyment, regulating food intake, developing a healthy body image, learning to prepare food and managing sweets.
How do you feel about this whole issue of picky eating as nature vs. nurture? I agree with Katja Rowell, the Feeding Doctor, that it’s a bit of both. But the guilt and shame need to go!
I’m so glad I found your site! I’m a proud mom of two picky eaters as well. I have been following your suggestions with my kids. (I decide the what and when and they decide how much to eat). I’m afraid I am guilty if “eat three more bites & you can get dessert.” I have a question. My daughter (4) can’t handle having foods she doesn’t like on her plate. She’ll cry and push her plate away just having the objectionable food on her plate. Any suggestions? I’m hoping being exposed to new foods will eventually open her up to trying new foods, but I’m not sure that will happen if she won’t even allow the foods on her plate.
@Kelly — you might want to incorporate a “learning plate” — a separate plate for items kids don’t want on their plate or aren’t ready to try. Use it as a learning tool to get them comfortable with it and encourage them to touch, smell or lick the food while telling them more about it. Once they are more comfortable with the food they will be more willing to try.
Yes, I love the idea! Will give it a try. Thank you.
Thanks for all the great tips and advice. I totally agree that dessert should never be tied to how much dinner they eat. It can be difficult for others to wrap their heads around this concept.
How does one avoid tying dinner to dessert? After a lifetime of “not unti l you eat your [whatever]” I am intrigued.
Since I never make my kids eat a certain amount in order to get dessert, they don’t have that association. They eat their meal until satified and then if we have dessert (which is a random event) that is a totally separate thing. I don’t want them getting in the habit of eating more food just to get dessert. To me they serve different purposes — one is eating food for fullness as a meal and the other is to fill a sweet craving. Does that make sense?
Yes, it does. Thanks 🙂
My husband was much more picky due to being force fed as a kid. He didn’t expand his palate until he was on his own in graduate school.
My biggest struggle, regardless if it is desert, amount eaten, etc. is trying to educate my children in eating in a ballanced way in the face of peer pressure; from other kids and their care givers at school or daycare. My oldest is especially persuaded by outside sources and brings that as a struggle into the house. She honestly thinks chips, crackers, or cookies are nutritious snacks and expects them when she wants a snack. We’ve had many discussions about what constitutes healthy foods, that it isn’t healthy to only eat one type of food regardless of how nutritious it is, think of a snack as trying to fuel your body, etc. I try very hard not to label anything as ‘bad’ or ‘good’ as moderation is the biggest key to me. I hope that some of our discussions are sinking in….
Ramona — how old is your daughter? My daugther enjoys all those foods too. She gets exposure to them at my mom’s once a week and at preschool so we really don’t have them much at home. When talking about food, I always mention frequency and that we have certain foods more often than others. If your daughter is constantly asking for certain items, you could provide them once or twice a week with other food groups, like milk/cheese/fruit. If she is school age, you can also have her make her afternoon snack and give her a template to follow — 2-3 food groups for each snack. I’m sure what you saying is sinking in. Just when I think my daughter isn’t listening, she brings up something I said earlier or asks a question showing she was listening!
Aaah, I didn’t get the whole not-tying-dessert-to-dinner thing. But we have dessert at every meal – could be cake, could be fruit – so its a bit different. Its not so much having to eat a certain amount of dinner, but having tried a bit of everything on the plate that qualifies you for dessert. Essentially, if you’re not hungry enough to eat a reasonable amount of dinner, you’re not hungry enough for dessert. We have ended up with some hilarious negotiations where he won’t try the chili at all, but offers to eat more broccoli instead!
Romney –Thanks for your comment. I talk a lot on this blog about raising intuitive eaters and why it’s so important to me. (see this article for more: http://www.maryannjacobsen.com/2011/08/the-annoying-kids-eating-habit-parents-should-adopt/) I see the meal and dessert differently in terms of eating. One is to fulfill hunger and the other is to fill a sweet craving. Since dessert is at the end of the meal, there really isn’t a need to be hungry for it. So in my house, I have my kids approach the meal and eat until they are satisfied — and then move on to dessert if we have it. Research also shows that using dessert as a reward for eating makes it more appealing to kids. What you are doing sounds pretty mild — and may not have those effects — but I just wanted to explain more about the whole dessert thing! (see this article for more on feeding practices that may cause kids to obsess over sweets http://www.maryannjacobsen.com/2010/09/managing-sweets-part-3-want-to-raise-a-sweet-obsessed-kid-do-these-8-things/)
Sorry, I’m not clear on whether you regard dessert as a treat or a part of dinner? For me, its just another course. When you’re full, you stop eating, whether that is before or after dessert. It sounds a little like you regard dessert as non-food. It doesn’t have to be, if you eat good things.
To be clear, I’m definitely not being snarky – your point of view is completely valid. I just love having meals broken up into smaller parts, and I’ll eat less of the “main” meal so that I can have additional bits. I’m one of those funny people that orders 2 starters rather than a main. Or has half a sandwich, an apple with cheese, some nuts and a biscuit for lunch.
Maryann, my oldest is 6 years and in all day daycare during the summer. Daycare regulations prevent us from packing either of my girls lunch or snacks for them. She has breakfast and dinner at home, but the rest of her food sources are at daycare where I guess due to simplicity and cost their ‘snacks’ are heavy on the simple carbs; crackers, cookies, etc. They also provide food rewards for good behavior at the end of the day. They also praise the ‘happy plate’ which equals an empty plate. My family isn’t in the ‘norm’ regarding how we view food and my oldest is at a stage where she is greatly influenced by peers. I wish resources like yours or the other contributors to Fearless Feeding were more visible and prominent in our daycare settings…
Other than the chocolate in the freezer, which she uses one piece as desert, we don’t often have other sweets. It’s just become her expectation right now. She can get upset fairly easily when her little world view is challenged; it’s not just tied to food.
School starts soon, and she enjoyed taking her lunch to school last year. If she chooses that route again this year, she will have much more say, with guidance and discussion of ballance, of what goes into that lunch bag. We did that last year as well with decent success. Our biggest problem with lunches at the beginning of school last year was her throwing away our good spoons :-).