• Home
  • Start Here!
    • Subscribe
    • Topics
    • Top Tips!
  • About
    • Services
    • Contact Us!
    • Media
    • Disclaimer
  • Blog
    • Popular Posts
    • Recipe Index
  • Books
    • RD Book Coaching Services
  • Podcast
  • Privacy Policy
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • RSS Feed

Maryann Jacobsen

Independent Author & Family Nutrition Expert

  • Home
  • Start Here!
    • Subscribe
    • Topics
    • Top Tips!
  • About
    • Services
    • Contact Us!
    • Media
    • Disclaimer
  • Blog
    • Popular Posts
    • Recipe Index
  • Books
    • RD Book Coaching Services
  • Podcast
  • Privacy Policy

Willpower: The Biggest Failure in Behavior Change (and What Works Instead)

January 6, 2017

Tweet
Pin
Share5
Yum
Email
Share
5 Shares

Surveys consistently show people believe they need willpower to make healthy habits stick. According to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America study, most people cite willpower as the reason their health resolutions fail.

Because so many people believe in willpower, it’s passed down to our children. But when you think it through, you can see why it fails at obtaining a healthy and happy life almost everyone desires.

Jump Ahead

  • Why Willpower Doesn’t Work
  • Change it to Wantpower
  • Putting the Idea to the Test
  •  
  • A Bad Turn

Why Willpower Doesn’t Work

Willpower is a limited resource, which is why it eventually runs out. According to the American Psychological Association:

Recent investigations have found a number of possible mechanisms for willpower depletion, including some at a biological level. Scientists at the University of Toronto found that people whose willpower was depleted by self-control tasks showed decreased activity in the anterior cingulate cortex, a brain region involved with cognition. When your willpower has been tested, your brain may actually function differently.

It’s important to remember that willpower is an approach to change, not an absolute truth. At the heart of willpower is this idea that you have to use your will to resist temptation (something you want) in order to get the prize (something you should have). Thinking of it this way takes a lot of mental energy and results in a struggle.

I should clean the house (so my friends don’t think I’m a slob)

I should meal plan (because that’s the advice I always get when I say cooking is hard)

I should exercise 30 minutes (because everyone knows you should exercise, and I want to lose weight)

I shouldn’t nag my kid to eat his veggies (because experts like Maryann say I shouldn’t)

Change it to Wantpower

All that’s needed to change this is a shift in perspective. The American Psychological Association adds this important information about willpower depletion:

Yet evidence also suggests that willpower depletion can be kept in check by your beliefs and attitudes. Mark Muraven, PhD, of the University at Albany, and colleagues found that people who felt compelled to exert self-control (in order to please others, for example) were more easily depleted than people who were driven by their own internal goals and desires. When it comes to willpower, those who are in touch with themselves may be better off than their people-pleasing counterparts.

This is something I write about in How to Raise a Mindful Eater — the difference between internal and external goals. Internal goals are typically a “want to” and external goals are more like a “should.” External goals tend to be society’s idea of how things should be (which is why they create resistance) and internal goals are based on our own needs and desires.

See what happens when we change the previous statements from willpower to wantpower (but these have to be things that are important to you or else it doesn’t work):

I want to clean the house (because it clears my mind and makes the whole family feel good).

I want to meal plan (because it makes my whole week runs smoother and provides a better variety of food and meal satisfaction).

I want to exercise 30 minutes (because it gives me a boost of energy and more productivity at work).

I want to allow my kids freedom to choose veggies (because it makes meals more peaceful and enhances their relationship with food).

Putting the Idea to the Test

I’m not sure if you have a nagging bad habit you’ve tried to change, but I sure do. I’ve always struggled with getting organized. So at the beginning of the holiday, I was extra mindful of this habit of which I sadly have a willpower attitude about. This bad habit is magnified during the holidays because there is so much more to do than usual. When I thought about my internal goals, I realized that what I really want from being on top of things (especially during the Holidays) is to enjoy this time with my family and friends without distraction.

So the day after Thanksgiving, I started with a task I’d been putting off — going through the kids’ rooms. I brought in the big guns, the kids’ aunt, who has a knack for organizing. I worked with Little D, while their aunt worked with Big A. After an afternoon of going through their rooms (and 7 bags later), the kids were ready to get updated toys and clothes.

I felt so good about this first step, that I kept going all weekend, and decided to finish my Christmas to-do list before the kids were off for break. I even started posting signs around the house, so I would remember what I truly want when making a choice:

img_4425

 img_4424

A Bad Turn

Things were going great until reality sank in: my book. I had a December 28th release date and also had a print version of From Picky to Powerful come out. As usual, the work involved was more than I planned and I found myself waking up every morning at 5, letting my to-do list get neglected. Ironically, this ended up being the most stressed out holiday season I’ve had in a long time. To give you an idea, I was at Kohls on Christmas Eve getting last minutes gifts practically my PJs, and I even skipped lunch!

My old willpower way would deem this as a failure — slapping the “I’m just no good at being organized” label on it. But my perspective change — from willpower to wantpower–  had already taken place. I could clearly see the negative effects of my choices on what I value most in the world: spending quality time with family this special time of year. How could I have not looked at it this way before? Now, I truly want to do things differently next holiday season, and there will be no book launches in the month of December!

What are some areas you struggle to change your life? Let’s talk about it in the comments!

Want to teach your kid wantpower when it comes to food? Check out my book How to Raise a Mindful Eater: 8 Powerful Principles for Transforming Your Child’s Relationship with Food

ebook_cover_amazonnew

Related Posts

  • 4 Simple Ways to Create Lasting Behavior Change

    I was in the downward dog position when I realized what was happening. I was…

  • Sustainable Behavior Change with Michelle Segar [Podcast]

    Why do some people exercise through stressful times and others stop? Why does one mom…

  • bad moms movie when they are in the grocery store opening champagne and laughing
    This Simple Change Will Instantly Make Your Family Healthier and Happier

    I recently went to see Bad Moms, a movie about a stressed-out mom who gives…

  • Family Meals: What Works, What Doesn't, and How to Prioritize

    Somewhere along my cooking journey, I realized there were some dinners I enjoyed cooking and…

Tweet
Pin
Share5
Yum
Email
Share
5 Shares

Categories: Midlife Health & Nutrition, Real Life Stories 3 Comments

« My Goal for 2017: Do More Things That Scare Me
Baked Eggplant Parmesan [Recipe] »

Comments

  1. Laura Spendolini says

    January 7, 2017 at 9:00 am

    A helpful suggestion would be to please use another color besides yellow to highlight something. Light yellow against white is so hard to read that it’s almost like those words disappear when I’m reading and I’m sure you want to emphasize them.

    Reply
    • Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD says

      January 9, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      You mean the orange for links? iS it worse in the newsletter than on the blog?

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi, I’m Maryann…

Hi, I’m a registered dietitian who focuses on developmental stages. Here, you won’t get one-size-fits-all advice. Instead, you’ll get information based on your (and your family’s) age and stage. Make your choice between family and midlife-focused newsletters below and subscribe. Find out more!

Recent Posts

  • Yes, Every Midlife Women Should Take a Multivitamin (And Here’s Why)
  • 10 Signs Intermittent Fasting Doesn’t Live Up to the Hype
  • What do the Latest Vitamin D Studies Really Tell Us?
  • 3 Breathing Exercises That Will Change Your Life with Nick Heath [Podcast]
  • 6 Dietary Supplements Most Teenagers Need

Random Posts

  • Parmesan Peas [Recipe]Parmesan Peas [Recipe]
  • Black Bean Brownies [Recipe]Black Bean Brownies [Recipe]

Categories

Get the books!

The Alliance of Independent Authors - Author Member

Join the Newsletter

Sign up for Maryann’s E-mail Newsletter and get her ebook The Landmines of a Healthy Relationship with Food for FREE. Subscribe now!

Thank you!

You have successfully joined our subscriber list. You're not done. Check your email to confirm your address. After you do that, you'll receive a link for the free e-book.

.

Copyright © 2023 — Maryann Jacobsen • All rights reserved • Powered by Femme Flora. Designed & Developed by BinaryTurf Privacy Policy

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.OK Privacy Policy
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT